The Family Plot Blog
Van Towed With Body Inside
Did you see the news the other day about a New York City funeral home that had one of its mini-vans towed away for being illegally parked? A common enough occurrence, but there was a body inside! Paul DeNigris came out of Redden's Funeral Home on 14th Street in Brooklyn on Thursday to find the mini-van gone. The body inside was bound for a flight out of Newark Airport, but the identifying sign the funeral home used to avoid being towed had...
Archbishop Desmond Tutu on Death
NPR's series The Long View features interviews with people who have lived a long life and the perspective gained by living more than 70 years. In yesterday's story with South African cleric and human-rights activist Archbishop Desmond Tutu, he shared an interesting insight about facing death when he was a teenager hospitalized with tuberculosis. "I'd observed in the ward that almost all of the patients who coughed up blood ended up going to the...
Paper, Plastic or The Good Stuff?
When planning a memorable reception, the question to keep in mind is what kind of party would the deceased have liked? When I think of my Dad, as long as pigs in a blanket and lots of good bread was served, he wouldn’t care if china or paper plates were used. Mom on the other hand would probably like to see fruits, veggies, and other healthy stuff served on the good china. Southern funerals are renowned for their at-home receptions that use the...
Accepting Help
When there’s a death in the family, often well-meaning people call and say, “How can I help?” Give these people jobs to do! Your friends can play an important role implementing post-service receptions, especially those to be held at home. Security: If a friend doesn’t mind missing the funeral, it’s a good idea to have someone at the home while the service and burial are taking place. Clever criminals read obituaries for the dates and times of...
Locations for Post-Funeral Receptions
It’s okay to get creative with a post-funeral or memorial service reception! In fact, as Martha Stewart would say, “It’s a good thing.” Often, a post-funeral reception will be held at the home of the bereaved or a close family member. In some cases, a reception will be held at the church immediately following the service. Alternatively, some families opt to hold a gathering at a restaurant or at a place special to the deceased. When funeral...
Webcasting Funerals a.k.a. Cyberfunerals
You may not hesitate about recording a wedding, as it’s a joyous event, but you never think about recording a funeral, where people are going to say such wonderful things about you. A cyberfuneral provides a good reason to allow cameras to cover your big send-off. Cyberfunerals, or the broadcast of funeral services over the Internet, is a growing phenomenon fueled by our increasingly wired society. Also known as funeralcasting or memorial...
Ethical Wills
In days of yore, the Last Will and Testament included statements of ethics, but today’s wills usually focus on the distribution of material goods the person is leaving behind. The ethical will articulates the deceased’s testament, a sharing of that person’s values, beliefs, and wisdom, and parting thoughts that can provide moving words at a service. The writing of ethical wills is fostered in Judaism. When adults reach the age of 50, they are...
End-of-Life Events Come in Different Forms
Funeral planning doesn't necessarily mean you're holding a funeral. Each end-of-life event is different, with elements you can choose to do, or not. Your family traditions, religion, and individual beliefs will help guide your choices. Here’s a quick outline of choices: Funeral: A service held within a week of death with the body present, followed by burial, entombment or cremation. Viewing the body is an option. Memorial Service: A service...
Funeral Poems
Funeral poems, also known as elegies, bring a dramatic level of oratory to a memorial service.
Eulogy Pointers
I just attended a funeral this morning, and a few pointers came to mind while listening to the eulogies presented by family members. 1. Before you get up to speak, remove the chewing gum from your mouth. Understandably, you might be nervous before getting up in front of a group of people to speak. It's okay to have some gum before you speak to prevent cotton-mouth. But please, please, please, discretely remove gum before giving a eulogy. 2....
Anniversary Candle Lighting Tradition
Every January 10th, March 16th, May 4th and November 2nd, I light a candle in memory of Grandma Dot, Grandma Min, Grandpa Ben, and Grandpa Phil. I put a picture on my kitchen table, and light a 24-hour candle next to it the evening before. For that day, I imagine that particular grandparent sitting in with my husband and me as we go about our business and talk about our day. It’s as if they get a glimpse into our current lives and I feel their...
Valentine’s Day Detour
Long before I started The Family Plot Blog, I wrote a book called A Girl's Pocket Guide to Trouser Trout: Reflections on Dating and Fly-Fishing. If men were fish and women the anglers, it's your how-to guide to land a good catch - with humor! With Valentine's Day coming up on Sunday, if you're in a relationship, you may want to check if that man is a keeper (a True Noble Trout) or a toss-back (an Other Fish in the Sea). There's a quiz in the...
Weird Ways How People Die in America
Every year, nearly 120,000 people die from accidents. Although over two-thirds of them occur from vehicle collisions and poisonings, there are plenty of unusual ways people kick the bucket. From a post at www.TermLifeInsurance.org, here's a listing of unusual fatalities for one year, taken from the most recent government statistics: 6 - Ignition or melting of nightwear 14 - Confined/trapped in a low oxygen environment 43 - Hot tap water 48 -...
Living, and Dying, Large
It’s no secret that 67 percent of American adults are overweight, and of those, 34 percent are obese, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. And some people are just really large or tall. These bigger bodies need bigger caskets for burial, and that has implications for Boomers with bad backs who may be pallbearers. Standard caskets are between 24 and 27 inches wide, and 80 to 88 inches long. Anything larger is considered...
Ash Scattering Far and Wide
The Wall Street Journal did an article last week titled Love, Honor, Cherish and Scatter. The story traces the ash scattering adventures of Michelle Paris, who has been scattering the cremated remains of her husband, Donald Mitchem. With the help of a group of friends, his ashes have been spread in the Pacific Ocean, in New York's Central Park, discreetly in a Donald Duck topiary at Disneyland, in the African nation of Namibia, outside a beer...
Doorways Talk
I'm going to be speaking on Monday to Santa Fe Doorways, a network of care providers, on "Funeral Planning for Those Who Don't Plan to Die." The event takes place at 11:45 a.m. on February 8 at the Ponce de Leon Retirement Center, 640 Alta Vista, Santa Fe, NM. All are welcome - it's free! You may bring your own lunch. Questions: 505-988-9222. Here's a preview of what I'll be talking about: American adults are big on planning – financial...
New Trends in Cremation Caskets
In the not-too-distant future, you could be cremated wrapped in banana leaves. Between the down economy and consumers' growing desire for "green" options, changes are afoot for the manufacturers of caskets designed to be burned in a cremation retort. "It's a changing field, and our members are responding with new products," said Mark Allen, the Executive Director of the Casket and Funeral Supply Association of America (www.cfsaa.org), which...
Memorial Display Items
Our stuff is a reflection of our lives, and a well put-together tabletop display of items can tell volumes about the person. The display can be assembled at a number of venues – at visitations at a funeral home, at the memorial service, either in the service or at a reception, and at home while receiving visitors. Include any items that have meaning and can lead to storytelling. For example, my husband and I put out these items at the reception...
A Home Celebration of Life
A brave new frontier is opening up for party planning your trip to the Great Beyond. My friends Jim and Elizabeth Cochran, who keep the cremated remains of both their mothers and Jim’s father in a special spot their family room, pioneered their own creative end-of-life celebrations at their home. Elizabeth’s mother lived in a casita behind the main house, and she died in her sleep at the age of 79. Elizabeth and Jim put together a celebration...
Unusual Viewing Request
This letter appeared in yesterday's Dear Abby column: DEAR ABBY: My mother is a spry, 75-year-old woman who has expressed an unusual request. She has told us "kids" that when she is called by the angels, she wants to be dressed in an aqua nightgown or PJs, and to be lying on her side. She says she will be sleeping for a long time, and she wants to make sure she's comfortable. She also says if we don't carry out her wishes, she will come back...
Postponing a Memorial Service
While you may feel you can hold off doing a ritual and cruise through the months after a loved one's death with no emotional repercussions, many grief counselors will tell you that you're wrong. If you plan to wait months before having a celebration of life with cremated remains, it’s helpful to do something right after the death that allows the community to express their grief and support you as you adjust to your new life situation. Consider...