The Family Plot Blog
Funerals are No Place for Protests
Columnist Leonard Pitts, Jr. recently did an opinion piece about the despicable actions of a so-called church that puts on protests at soldiers' funerals, claiming their deaths are punishment from God because America is a "fag-loving nation." Pitts warns the reader right off the bat that you will be furious when you finish reading this column, and he's absolutely correct. Click here to read his column. No matter what you think about our First...
Albuquerque-Kansas City Cremation Connection
Here in Albuquerque, there's a big news story about body parts - heads and torsos - showing up in plastic bins at an incineration facility in Kansas City, Kansas for cremation. Problem is, the company that sent the body parts was supposed to have done the cremation in New Mexico and returned the cremains to the family. What were these crudely hacked-up body parts doing in Kansas? Bio Care, Inc. is a company that purports to harvest human organs...
How to Insure Funeral Plans are Carried Out
So, here's a timely "What if?" question. What if your family doesn’t want to carry out your funeral plans? Suppose you want something really special for your send off, but aren’t sure your heirs will want to carry out your wishes. Say, for example, you want a Viking funeral, where the body is put on a wooden boat that is set ablaze and sent out to sea. How can you make sure your wishes will be carried out? There are several ways to insure your...
Passover In the Hospital, Next Year In?
The start of Passover this evening reminds me of how I spent Passover last year - in the hospital, at the foot of a loved one's bed, reading the story of the Hebrews' redemption from slavery in Egypt. We always say at the end of the seder, "Next year in Jerusalem." My wish was to do it again next year anywhere but in a hospital. Our family is gathering tonight, minus that loved one, and Passover will never be the same. My 82-year-old...
Book Review of Celebrating a Life
Celebrating a Life: Planning Memorial Services and Other Creative Remembrances by Faith Moore (Stewart, Tabori & Chang, 2009) provides many good insights for memorial service or funeral planning. Moore has a wealth of creative ideas for meaningful ways to honor a loved one. I especially like how she refers to the deceased as "the honoree" rather than well-worn phrases such as the dearly departed, the loved one, the person who died, etc. In...
Remembering Harry Willson
I first met Harry Willson at a Humanist Society meeting, where I bought his book "Myth and Mortality: Testing the Stories." It's a fascinating look at the beliefs or metaphors dealing with death, starting with the story of his own parents' deaths and his reactions. Willson died on March 9, 2010 at age 77, and a wonderful open house memorial service took place on Sunday at La Fonda del Bosque Restaurant at the National Hispanic Cultural Center...
Fishing for Men This Spring?
Love and death - common themes in all great art. With spring officially underway, thoughts turn from hibernating in the dark of winter to getting out in the light of days that last progressively longer. In addition to the information you'll find in my book, A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don't Plan to Die, you may find my first book to be of interest. A Girl's Pocket Guide to Trouser Trout: Reflections on Dating and Fly-Fishing...
Native America Calling
The public radio program Native America Calling today addressed funeral issues in regard to Native American traditions. I called into the program to contribute information about the similarities between Native American traditions and Muslim or Jewish traditions in regard to burial. While all three cultural traditions are essentially green in their burial practices - no embalming, using biodegradable natural materials around the body - there are...
Memorial Rocket Ride
Not many folks know people who build and launch rockets, but our family has that honor. At my father-in-law’s funeral, next-door neighbor John Currens volunteered to put a copy of the funeral program in the nose cone of a rocket he planned to launch. I was honored that he named the rocket Miss Gail. At the reception, everyone signed the program with best wishes for Godspeed, Norm Bleicher. The program actually got two rocket rides - the first...
Funeral Reception Food and Drink
When funeral planning, remember to extend your creativity to the reception after the service. As a reflection of the deceased, meaningful food and drink can be a great way to celebrate his or her life. If Mom’s brownies were the best, or Dad was known for his barbeque sauce, serve those items in honor of their memory. Hopefully he or she wrote the recipe down before they died! Honoring cultural roots with food is another way to go, such as...
Frozen Dead Guy Days
There's a festival in Colorado dedicated to a man who died 20 years ago and his body lies in a minus 100 degree deep freeze in a Tuff Shed. Is this a great country or what? In Nederland, 60 miles west of Boulder, they celebrate Frozen Dead Guy Days. Every March, for the past eight years, the festival includes coffin races, frozen turkey bowling and "Frozen Dead Guy" look-alike contests. The festival draws approximately 10,000 tourists, which...
Van Towed With Body Inside
Did you see the news the other day about a New York City funeral home that had one of its mini-vans towed away for being illegally parked? A common enough occurrence, but there was a body inside! Paul DeNigris came out of Redden's Funeral Home on 14th Street in Brooklyn on Thursday to find the mini-van gone. The body inside was bound for a flight out of Newark Airport, but the identifying sign the funeral home used to avoid being towed had...
Archbishop Desmond Tutu on Death
NPR's series The Long View features interviews with people who have lived a long life and the perspective gained by living more than 70 years. In yesterday's story with South African cleric and human-rights activist Archbishop Desmond Tutu, he shared an interesting insight about facing death when he was a teenager hospitalized with tuberculosis. "I'd observed in the ward that almost all of the patients who coughed up blood ended up going to the...
Paper, Plastic or The Good Stuff?
When planning a memorable reception, the question to keep in mind is what kind of party would the deceased have liked? When I think of my Dad, as long as pigs in a blanket and lots of good bread was served, he wouldn’t care if china or paper plates were used. Mom on the other hand would probably like to see fruits, veggies, and other healthy stuff served on the good china. Southern funerals are renowned for their at-home receptions that use the...
Accepting Help
When there’s a death in the family, often well-meaning people call and say, “How can I help?” Give these people jobs to do! Your friends can play an important role implementing post-service receptions, especially those to be held at home. Security: If a friend doesn’t mind missing the funeral, it’s a good idea to have someone at the home while the service and burial are taking place. Clever criminals read obituaries for the dates and times of...
Locations for Post-Funeral Receptions
It’s okay to get creative with a post-funeral or memorial service reception! In fact, as Martha Stewart would say, “It’s a good thing.” Often, a post-funeral reception will be held at the home of the bereaved or a close family member. In some cases, a reception will be held at the church immediately following the service. Alternatively, some families opt to hold a gathering at a restaurant or at a place special to the deceased. When funeral...
Webcasting Funerals a.k.a. Cyberfunerals
You may not hesitate about recording a wedding, as it’s a joyous event, but you never think about recording a funeral, where people are going to say such wonderful things about you. A cyberfuneral provides a good reason to allow cameras to cover your big send-off. Cyberfunerals, or the broadcast of funeral services over the Internet, is a growing phenomenon fueled by our increasingly wired society. Also known as funeralcasting or memorial...
Ethical Wills
In days of yore, the Last Will and Testament included statements of ethics, but today’s wills usually focus on the distribution of material goods the person is leaving behind. The ethical will articulates the deceased’s testament, a sharing of that person’s values, beliefs, and wisdom, and parting thoughts that can provide moving words at a service. The writing of ethical wills is fostered in Judaism. When adults reach the age of 50, they are...
End-of-Life Events Come in Different Forms
Funeral planning doesn't necessarily mean you're holding a funeral. Each end-of-life event is different, with elements you can choose to do, or not. Your family traditions, religion, and individual beliefs will help guide your choices. Here’s a quick outline of choices: Funeral: A service held within a week of death with the body present, followed by burial, entombment or cremation. Viewing the body is an option. Memorial Service: A service...
Funeral Poems
Funeral poems, also known as elegies, bring a dramatic level of oratory to a memorial service.
Eulogy Pointers
I just attended a funeral this morning, and a few pointers came to mind while listening to the eulogies presented by family members. 1. Before you get up to speak, remove the chewing gum from your mouth. Understandably, you might be nervous before getting up in front of a group of people to speak. It's okay to have some gum before you speak to prevent cotton-mouth. But please, please, please, discretely remove gum before giving a eulogy. 2....