The Family Plot Blog
Garden Lore and End-of-Life Issues
The 1979 film Being There starred Peter Sellers as Chance the Gardener, a simple-minded man, and an excellent gardener. Outside the garden, he learned everything he knew by watching TV. "I like to watch" was a repeated theme. The morning the film opens, he learns from the housekeeper Louise that The Old Man has died. We don’t know if Chance is related to The Old Man, but he wears The Old Man's suits and looks quite dapper. Attorneys for the...
Participants Sought for Anticipatory Grief Study
Do you have a family member on hospice care? How are you coping with the anticipation of that loved one's death? Would you be willing to participate in a confidential, anonymous study to help a university researcher better understand anticipatory grief? Kylie Rogalla is an assistant professor at Indiana University South Bend in the Counseling & Human Services department. Her primary area of research interest is in grief and loss. She's...
Smoke Gets In Your Eyes by Caitlin Doughty
If you are a fan of Caitlin Doughty, the star of the "Ask a Mortician" YouTube video series and founder of The Order of the Good Death, you know the humorous touch she puts on the discussion of death. That same humor shines throughout her new (and first) book, Smoke Gets In Your Eyes & Other Lessons from the Crematory. We follow our heroine through the doors of Westwind Cremation & Burial, a Bay area low-cost disposition provider. She's...
Mortality Salience and End-of-Life Planning Avoidance
Funeral directors see it all the time – adults who nervously say, “I don’t need to come in and pre-plan my funeral just yet.” Even if we knew exactly when we would die, I doubt very many people would voluntarily go pre-plan their funeral without some compelling incentive. Why is it so hard to get folks to do funeral planning, or any other end-of-life planning for that matter? The tendency to put off writing down advance medical directives,...
Remembering September 11
Here are two videos from past September 11 commemorations in Albuquerque.
Joan Rivers Death Can Help with End-of-Life Conversations
Joan Rivers' death provides a great example for others in terms of advance medical directives and end-of-life conversations. While she frequently joked about her eventual demise, she did name her daughter Melissa as her health care decision maker should Joan not be able to speak for herself. As Joan herself famously said, "Can we talk?" In this Forbes article, Joan Rivers Can Help With Difficult End-Of-Life Conversations, authors Danielle and...
Event: Sept. 27 ABQ Death Cafe
Did you know Albuquerque was the first U.S. city west of the Mississippi to hold a Death Cafe? It's a worldwide movement that started in the U.K. in 2011. Gail Rubin, The Doyenne of Death®, hosted the first one in Albuquerque in September 2012. The Death Cafe objective is “To increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives.” At these free events, people come together in a relaxed, confidential and...
Joan Rivers’ Funeral Vision
Joan Rivers' death provides a good example for others to follow on end-of-life and funeral planning issues. She made clear to her daughter Melissa that she did not want to be kept alive on life support should there be no hope of recovery. In her book I Hate Everyone... Starting With Me, she stated what she wanted her funeral to look like. Okay, perhaps this is a bit over-the-top for comic effect. She wrote: "When I die... I want my funeral to...
Over Our Dead Bodies: Undertakers Lift the Lid
The squirrel in the casket was the first thing I noticed about the cover of Over Our Dead Bodies: Undertakers Lift the Lid. Did this mean the book was meant for those with short attention spans? ("Squirrel!") No, it relates to one of the behind-the-scenes at the funeral home stories you'll read in this lively collection by Kenneth McKenzie and Todd Harra. They are the funeral director duo who authored an earlier collection of true life tales,...
News and Notes: A Good Goodbye Radio Returns
Exciting news! A Good Goodbye, my Internet radio show, is back in production. The program is now carried on FuneralRadio.com, "The Voice of Funeral Professionals." My program is designed to appeal to both the general public and funeral professionals. The first program podcast will be posted online for download this week. The first guest on the new network is Gale O'Brien, author of Transformation: Creating an Exceptional Life in the Face of...
Recent Testimonials
Here are some glowing endorsements after three recent speaking engagements, and another "thumbs up" for Gail Rubin's engaging presentations on death, dying, funeral planning and end-of-life issues. "Dear Gail - Thank you for your excellent and well-received talk here at OASIS Tuesday. You had rave reviews and comments from our members. They included: useful, helpful information, timely, upbeat, comprehensive, took a taboo subject and...
Event: Sept. 30 CNM Death and Dying Class Presentation
Tuesday, September 30, 10:30 a.m.: Gail Rubin, CT, speaks to Professor Kris Roush’s psychology class on Death and Dying at Central New Mexico Community College (CNM) in Albuquerque. She will present funny film clips related to mortality issues to help the students learn about funeral planning and end-of-life issues. Here's a video of another talk conducted earlier this year at CNM's Montoya Campus. For more information about Gail Rubin's...
10 Good Reasons to Discuss Death
Elaine Voci, a Death Cafe host in Carmel, Indiana, wrote this lovely opinion column "10 reasons why I want to talk about death" that just appeared in the Indianapolis Star. As a pioneer who held the first Death Cafe west of the Mississippi, I agree with her 100 percent. Here's what she wrote: A lot of people shy away from talking about death; they think such conversations are morbid and don’t serve any purpose other than to make people feel...
“In Loving Memory” Obituary for a Child
In the paid obituary section of the newspaper, also known as death notices, you may see "In Loving Memory" entries. These are messages the family places on anniversary dates - date of birth, date of death, or any special day for that family. This "In Loving Memory" notice for a little boy who died at two and a half years old reminds us how to speak with bereaved parents. This appeared recently in the Albuquerque Journal for a child who died in...
BereaveMints at the NFDMA Expo
Did you know there are mints made exclusively for funeral homes? Yes, you can now find BereaveMints given out by funeral directors and limo drivers, providing a soothing lozenge for mourning families. At the National Funeral Directors and Morticians Association convention and expo, I spoke with Jim Finelli, VP of Vending/Food Service Sales for Promotion in Motion, the makers of the mints as well as other candies and fruit snacks. BereaveMints...
A “Breaking Bad” Tour of Albuquerque
Today, we detour into the pop culture phenomenon, Breaking Bad. It just won a slew of Emmy® awards last night, and it was filmed here in my home town of Albuquerque, New Mexico. Back in June, my parents binge-watched the entire five-season series in just a few weeks. For my dad's 84th birthday, I took Mom and Dad on a private tour of filming sites for the TV show. During our excursion, I recorded each stop. We were fortunate to meet Fran, the...
How to Have Good Doctor-Patient-Family Communications
Last week, I presented a film-clip illustrated talk on improving doctor-patient-family communications at the New Mexico Conference on Aging. Titled "Doctor, How Long Do I Have?" the session featured clips from movies to illustrate both positive and negative interactions related to serious diagnoses, end-of-life, advance directives and physician aid-in-dying. Films included Wit, 50/50, Patch Adams, The Shootist, The End, The Descendants,...
Memorial Stone Joke
Have you heard this one? THE MEMORIAL STONE Billy died...His will provided $30,000 for this elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Joyce, turned to her oldest and dearest friend, Jonelle. "Well, I'm sure Billy would be pleased," she said. "I'm sure you're right," replied Jonelle, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?" "All of it," said Joyce ... "Thirty thousand dollars." "No!" ...
Grim Reaper Cartoons and Exploding Caskets
Stories on exploding caskets and cartoons in The New Yorker magazine - many of which involve the Grim Reaper - recently ran in two national news outlets. CBS 60 Minutes story So you want to see your cartoon in The New Yorker? goes behind the scenes at the venerable magazine to explore how the editors select the cartoons they run. Here's a snippet from the end of the piece, about death and humor: We end -- as everything does -- with the Grim...
Casey Kasem’s Wife Plans to Bury Him in Norway
Casey Kasem's twisted end-of-life saga didn't end with his death. As noted in my previous blog post in June, his wife Jean, who lost control of Kasem's medical and end-of-life decisions, still had the control of the late radio personality's funeral plans. She's having her revenge on Kasem's adult children. Jean, his second wife, plans to bury Casey's remains in Norway, contrary to his desire to be interred in Los Angeles and against the rest of...
Final Embrace Products at the NFDMA Expo
When he was young, Tim Totten wanted a Star Trek Next Generation costume. His grandmothers lived right next door to each other, and he asked one if she would make a costume for him. She said she wouldn't make it, but she'd teach him to sew. By the time he went to ask his other grandmother, she had gotten a call from the first one reinforcing the deal. So Tim Totten learned to sew, and decades later, the funeral business is all the better for...