Grief isn’t something we “get over.” It’s something we learn to carry.
After exploring different types of grief in the previous two episodes on understanding grief and the many types of grief, Episode Ten of Mortality Movies shifts the focus from recognizing grief to processing grief. Host Gail Rubin, The Doyenne of Death®, is joined by death doula Danielle Slupesky and grief coach and death doula Genna Reeves, PhD, to examine how films portray the slow, often uneven journey toward healing after loss.
The featured clips demonstrate that processing grief doesn’t mean forgetting someone we love. Instead, it involves finding ways to honor the past while continuing to engage with life.
Whether the loss is a spouse, a child, a career, a home, or a sense of identity, grief changes us. The question becomes: How do we move forward without leaving our loved one behind?
Finding a Way Forward
One of the most powerful illustrations comes from the Oscar-winning film Gravity (2013).
Sandra Bullock plays Dr. Ryan Stone, a medical engineer stranded in space after a catastrophic accident destroys the team’s space shuttle. George Clooney portrays veteran astronaut Matt Kowalski, whose calm guidance helps Ryan survive long enough to confront something even more difficult than the hostile environment around her: the grief she has carried since the death of her young daughter.
In the featured scene, Ryan begins to shift from merely surviving to choosing life.
The panel discussion of this scene explores the “Rs” of processing grief proposed by death educator Therese Rando. The “R” processes are:
- Recognize the loss
- React to the pain of the separation
- Recollect, identify and mourn the primary and secondary losses
- Relinquish old attachments to the deceased and the old assumptive world
- Readjust to move into a new world without forgetting the old
- Reinvest in new relationships
Ryan’s journey reminds us that healing does not require leaving grief behind. Instead, it involves discovering that life can still hold meaning, purpose, and hope, even after profound loss.
Grieving More Than One Loss
A Man Called Otto (2022) demonstrates that grief is often layered.
Tom Hanks stars as Otto, a widower struggling after the death of his beloved wife. His neighbors see a stubborn, isolated man who refuses help, but beneath the surface Otto is mourning far more than one person.
He is also grieving the loss of his daily routines, his identity, his future plans, and his forced retirement.
In the featured scene, Otto refuses a neighbor’s offer to help him sort through his wife’s clothing and belongings. His reluctance is understandable. Letting go of physical possessions can feel like letting go of the relationship itself.
Many grieving people encounter this challenge. There is no universal timetable for deciding when, or whether, to part with a loved one’s belongings. I can tell you from experience, while it may take a while, it is a liberating feeling when you do let go.
The film also reminds viewers that grief often accompanies other life transitions. Retirement, declining health, moving to a new home, or changes in family roles can compound the emotional impact of losing someone we love.
Understanding these overlapping losses helps explain why processing grief can feel so overwhelming.
The Important Role of Sadness
Disney-Pixar Inside Out emotions (L to R): Anger, Disgust, Joy, Fear, and Sadness
Disney-Pixar’s Inside Out (2015) offers one of the most insightful portrayals of emotional health in modern animation. And the approach is rooted in real-world scientific theories and consultation with psychologists and neuroscientists.
After eleven-year-old Riley is uprooted from her familiar life in the Midwest and moved to San Francisco, the emotions inside her mind struggle to help her adapt. Joy tries to keep everything positive, while Sadness repeatedly surfaces to color her perceptions.
At first, Sadness appears to be the problem.
As the story unfolds, however, viewers discover that sadness plays a vital role.
Sadness invites comfort. It encourages empathy. It helps people acknowledge loss instead of pretending everything is fine.
Only when Riley is able to express her sadness honestly can she reconnect with her parents and begin adjusting to her new life.
This lesson extends far beyond childhood.
Many adults also believe they should “stay strong” or avoid showing sadness after a loss. But suppressing painful emotions often delays healing rather than promoting it.
The film beautifully illustrates that sadness is not a weakness. It is one of the ways human beings connect with one another.
Holding On While Moving Forward
At the close of the episode, I recommend another film that thoughtfully explores processing grief: Mary Poppins Returns.
Although time ran out to include clips from the movie, the film centers on a family still grieving the death of a young wife and mother. Through music, imagination, and shared memories, the story gently illustrates how people can continue loving someone who has died while rebuilding their lives together.
Songs such as “The Place Where Lost Things Go” remind audiences that love does not disappear simply because someone is no longer physically present. Memories, relationships, and emotional connections continue in new forms.
It is a hopeful reminder that grief and love remain intertwined.
Processing Grief Is a Journey
The films featured in Episode Ten share a common message: grief is not something to fix.
Ryan Stone chooses life after unimaginable loss. Otto slowly begins reconnecting with his community while carrying the memory of his wife. Riley discovers that sadness creates opportunities for comfort and healing. The family in Mary Poppins Returns learns that love endures beyond death.
None of these characters “gets over” grief.
Instead, they learn to live with it.
That may be one of the most important lessons mortality education has to offer. Processing grief does not mean forgetting, replacing, or leaving someone behind. It means allowing grief to become part of our life story while remaining open to new relationships, new experiences, and new sources of meaning.
Healing doesn’t erase love.
It allows love to take on a different form.
What movie has helped you understand how grief changes over time? Share your recommendations in the comments and help continue the conversation.
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