Grief refuses to fit neatly into a box.
Some people cry openly. Others throw themselves into work. Some anticipate a loved one’s death long before it happens. Others are blindsided by emotions months or even years after a loss. The many ways people experience grief can leave family members wondering if they’re grieving “correctly.” They may question why someone else’s reaction looks so different from their own.
Episode Nine of Mortality Movies continues the exploration of grief begun in the previous episode. Join Gail Rubin, The Doyenne of Death®, death doula Danielle Slupesky and grief coach and death doula Genna Reeves, PhD, to examine additional grief responses portrayed in film and television.
By recognizing these different forms of grief, we become better equipped to understand ourselves, support others, and replace judgment with compassion.
When Others Don’t Recognize Your Loss
The first clip comes from The Jane Austen Book Club (2007), where a woman holds a heartfelt funeral for her beloved dog.
While she mourns deeply, one of the attendees dismisses both her sorrow and the ceremony, suggesting that grieving for a pet somehow isn’t as important as grieving for a person.
This scene illustrates disenfranchised grief—grief that is not fully acknowledged, validated, or supported by society.
Disenfranchised grief can occur after the death of a pet, an ex-spouse, a coworker, or someone whose relationship isn’t widely recognized. It can also affect people whose grief is minimized because others believe they “should be over it by now.”
The problem isn’t the grief itself. It’s the lack of permission to express it.
When someone’s loss isn’t acknowledged, they may feel isolated precisely when they most need understanding.
The film reminds us that every meaningful relationship deserves compassion, regardless of whether others understand its significance.
The Shock of Sudden Loss
Manchester by the Sea (2016) portrays one of grief’s most overwhelming experiences: acute grief.
Casey Affleck won the best actor Oscar in 2017 for playing Lee Chandler. He learns that his brother has died unexpectedly from a heart attack. In the featured scene, he arrives at the hospital to identify his brother and begin making practical decisions.
The emotional numbness, confusion, and disbelief are strikingly realistic.
Acute grief often follows a sudden death, when there has been little or no opportunity to prepare emotionally. In the early days after such a loss, many people describe feeling as though they are operating on autopilot.
Simple tasks become difficult. Time seems distorted. Decisions that would normally be routine suddenly feel overwhelming.
The film captures those first painful moments when the reality of a death begins to sink in, even as the mind struggles to accept it.
Grieving Before the Death Occurs
Not all grief begins after someone dies.
The Kominsky Method explores anticipatory grief through Sandy Kominsky’s reluctance to visit his close friend Norman Newlander’s wife, Eileen, who is dying from cancer.
Sandy avoids the visit because he doesn’t want to confront her decline, or what it reminds him about his own mortality.
Eventually, encouraged by Norman, he decides to go.
Anticipatory grief occurs when people begin mourning while a loved one is still alive but facing a terminal illness or progressive decline. This can include a mental decline from dementia, often referred to as a long goodbye.
Family members often experience a complicated mixture of hope, sadness, fear, guilt, and even relief as they care for someone nearing the end of life.
These emotions can feel confusing, and they are entirely normal.
Recognizing anticipatory grief allows caregivers to acknowledge their own emotional needs while continuing to support the person they love.
When Grief Sneaks Up on You
Perhaps one of the most familiar grief experiences appears in another scene from The Kominsky Method.
Several months after his wife Eileen has died, Norman is picking up shirts from the cleaners. He unexpectedly comes face-to-face with one of her elegant dresses which was never reclaimed. It’s a stark reminder of the glitzy Hollywood galas they used to attend together.
The moment catches him completely off guard.
Without warning, grief returns with full emotional force.
Many people mistakenly believe grief steadily fades with time.
In reality, grief often resurfaces unexpectedly. A familiar scent, a favorite song, a holiday, or an ordinary errand can instantly reconnect someone with the pain of loss.
These moments do not mean a person is grieving “incorrectly” or failing to heal.
Instead, they reflect the enduring bond we maintain with people we have loved.
Unexpected waves of grief are often part of healthy mourning.
Every Grief Journey Is Different
The films featured in Episode Nine demonstrate that grief cannot be reduced to a single experience.
Disenfranchised grief reminds us that every loss deserves recognition. Acute grief shows the emotional shock that follows sudden death. Anticipatory grief reveals that mourning often begins long before a loved one dies. Unexpected grief illustrates how memories can resurface without warning, even months or years later.
Together with the intuitive and instrumental grieving styles explored in Episode Eight, these examples paint a richer picture of what grief really looks like.
Rather than asking whether someone is grieving the “right” way, perhaps the better question is simply: How can I support this person where they are today?
That shift, from judging grief to understanding it, can make all the difference.
Movies and television cannot eliminate grief, but they can help us recognize it in ourselves and those we love. In the stories they tell, they remind us that while every grief journey is different, no one has to walk it alone.
Have you seen a movie or television program that helped you understand your own grief or someone else’s? Share your recommendations in the comments and help continue the conversation.
Want to Watch Mortality Movies Without Jumping Between Screens?
Become a paid subscriber to Mortality Movies with The Doyenne of Death® on Substack and get access to the complete 30-minute episodes with the film clips included.
Instead of pausing the show to search for clips on YouTube, paid subscribers can watch each episode seamlessly from start to finish. No searching. No switching tabs. No interruptions.
Just sit back, enjoy the movies, and discover what they can teach us about death, dying, grief, and living life fully.
Subscribe to Gail’s Substack here.
Explore more films to discuss death, understand grief, and explore related issues, get a copy of Gail Rubin’s latest book, 98.6 Mortality Movies to See Before You Die: Remarkable Films and TV Shows to Discuss Death and Plan Ahead.
