The Family Plot Blog
Funeral Pre-Pay Pros and Cons
Pre-planning a funeral does not necessarily mean it’s pre-paid. There are arguments to be made both for and against pre-payment. On the plus side, pre-paying guarantees the wishes of the deceased are honored, as they themselves select what they want and pay for it. It saves the family or legal representative the cost and anxiety of last-minute decision-making in the midst of grief. Pre-payments offer built-in inflation protection, as providers...
What Do You Want on Your Tombstone?
Today's Dear Abby column has a great letter from a woman who discovered her father had an affair with the woman who was her husband's mother. It turns out her husband was also her half-brother. Shortly after learning this news, the husband had a heart attack and died. Her dilemma: what to put on his gravestone? She thought "Loving Brother" or "Loving Husband" were her choices. Dear Abby suggested "He was 'Everything' to me," saying that should...
Casket Contemplations
“Just a simple casket, that’s all I want,” my father-in-law told me. That’s not a whole lot of direction when you want to pre-plan a funeral for someone. Although he was still alive at the time to provide more input, he wasn’t very forthcoming. I’m reminded of the plague victim in Monty Python’s The Holy Grail who said “I’m not dead yet.” Per my father-in-law’s directions, my husband and I looked at the simplest casket offered, but we actually...
An Ordinary Day
I recently saw this poem by Andrew Lovato that speaks to the beauty of TODAY. Be present, be grateful, be the best you can be. Andrew is an assistant professor of Speech Communication at Santa Fe Community College. An Ordinary Day There is no such thing as an ordinary day Today is a monumental day in thousands, if not millions of lives For some this is the day of their birth while others will be leaving this earth For many around the world,...
When an Ex Expires
Today's Dear Abby column made a good point about extending condolences when someone dies. The writer worked with another woman for 20 years and they socialized outside work with their husbands. The woman divorced, remarried, and transferred to another department, and the writer now only sees her at work-related functions. The writer recently heard that her friend's ex had died suddenly. She didn't know if it would be appropriate to send a...
Use The Good Stuff Before It’s Too Late
A cousin of mine sent me this note by email. Perhaps you've seen it making the rounds. On the eve of the Jewish New Year, this note is a reminder to live each day to the fullest. Certainly, making peace with the idea that we don't live forever is one way to get the most out of every day. Wishing everyone a sweet New Year. A friend opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package: 'This, - he said - isn't any...
Down The Drain?
There's a new process that presents an environmentally-sensitive way to dispose of human remains. It's so clean, what's left after the process can be safely poured down the drain! While not in widespread use by funeral homes yet, the process liquefies the body into a coffee-colored sterile solution that can be safely disposed of in water or on land without concern about toxic chemicals. Called Water Resolution® from BioSAFE Engineering, it’s a...
Medical Body Donation
Body Donation What is body donation? Donating your body to science has a nice ring to it, but you need to decide that’s what you’re going to do before you die, because pre-registration is a must with most medical school programs. Cadavers are used for a range of purposes to advance medical knowledge. They can be used for disease research and treatment, surgical education of medical students, the creation and improvement of medical...
Embalming Elements
Brace yourself - some of this info is kind of gory... Embalming involves draining blood out of the body and replacing it with a formaldehyde-based preservative. In addition, the abdominal organs are punctured, bacteria and visceral fluid are vacuumed out, and the area is filled with more formaldehyde. This treatment slows, but does not stop, decomposition of the body, and it can plump up the skin’s appearance. My friend Kathleen told me about...
The Nitty-Gritty on Cremation
Cremation involves reducing the body to grit by first burning it in a special furnace called a retort which generates temperatures of 1,600 to 1,800 degrees Fahrenheit. Pacemakers are removed before cremation, as they can explode in the retort. The body is tagged with a metal disc that identifies the deceased and survives the fire. Within two hours, flesh is reduced to an ash residue, leaving a skeleton, which is then pulverized. Any dental...
Display and Disposal Choices
Decomposition of a human body is a smelly, messy, germ-ridden process. While it’s a part of the natural order of birth, growth, death and decay, it’s still kind of creepy. Prompt disposal of the body is key to the funeral practices of many cultures. Throughout history, all civilizations developed ways to dispose of human remains into one of the four elements – earth: burial, fire: cremation, water: burial at sea, and most infrequently, air....
Pre-Need Funeral Shopping
Shopping for a funeral when you don’t need one is better than when you do need one.
A Grave Undertaking
In ancient times, and even well into the twentieth century, a family was responsible for preparing the body and burying their own deceased. How times have changed! Most families today pay a funeral home to “undertake” those services, hence the origination of the term undertaker. Over the last 150 years, the scope of funeral services has grown from humble origins to a multi-billion dollar industry. It evolved, starting with woodworkers who made...
Dear Abby on Burial Options
Today's Dear Abby column has a letter from a woman who found out while doing up wills that her husband wants to be cremated and his ashes scattered in the ocean off the beach near where he grew up. Problem is, with her funeral planning, she wants to be buried in their local cemetery so their son can have a place to "visit" both of them, and she doesn't want to spend eternity in a cemetery plot without her husband. What to do? Dear Abby advised...
The Final Party Planner
I'm glad to see there's a new business in Chicago that does for funerals -- the Dispatchings of our lives -- what wedding planners do for the Matchings. An article in Crain's Chicago Business focuses on Loving Touches Memorial Services, party planning for life celebrations. It's another way to do funeral planning with flair, and I'm all for it! I've noticed that some funeral homes have offered catering arrangements and housecleaning as part of...
At-Home Death on Hospice Care
If a loved one dies at home on hospice care, the first call goes to the hospice organization. All hospice programs have registered nurses on call 24/7, and in most states specially certified nurses may officially pronounce the deaths of home hospice patients. Check with a local provider to make sure this is the case in your state. It helps to have a funeral home already selected to call after pronouncement, even if you haven’t made funeral...
“Expected” vs. “Unexpected” Death
Whether a death is a complete surprise or not, here are a few things that happen on the way to a funeral.
From Death’s Door
Someone you love has died. Who do you call first? What do you do next? How do you proceed through the next few days? First, take a deep breath, and exhale. Don’t forget to breathe! Your brain needs plenty of oxygen to cope with the emotions, the decisions to be made, and so many details to work out. Fundamentally, breathing is what sets the living apart from the dead. Don’t hold your breath when faced with great challenges. Breathe. The...
Pile-Ups to Honor a Death
With Senator Ted Kennedy's recent death, the oral tributes are pouring out over the news media and Internet. Another interesting phenomenon is also happening: Bostonians paying their respects by bringing flowers, candles, cards, pictures and other stuff to leave at the gates of the Kennedy compound in Hyannis Port. This phenomenon is nothing new - we saw it for Michael Jackson's death at various places where he lived, we saw it all over New...
Funeral Etiquette – Flowers & Cards
Did you see today's Dear Abby column? A woman wrote her in-laws a nasty note because when her father died six weeks ago, they didn't send flowers to the viewing and didn't send a sympathy note to her mother until two weeks after the funeral. The in-laws lived out of state and weren't close to the daughter-in-laws' parents. Their question was, should they have sent flowers, and is two weeks too late to send a sympathy card? Dear Abby said...
More News on End-of-Life Issues
You know, Sarah Palin may have done the hospice and palliative care movement a great favor with her incendiary comment about "death panels." Look for these two thoughtful articles from yesterday's New York Times: Months to Live: At the End, Offering Not a Cure, but Comfort by Anemona Hartocollis, a wonderful profile of a palliative care doctor and a couple of his patients. Doctor and Patient: Talking Often, and Calmly, About Dying by Pauline W....