The Family Plot Blog
Emails About Death and Funerals
Emails are helpful for keeping large groups of friends and relatives informed and updated during a loved one’s illness. However, it has its drawbacks for funeral announcements, such as when computers are in the shop or the address you’ve been using for a friend is no longer their primary account and the note is ignored for days. There are different ways to utilize email to inform and invite people. You can send individual notes, one person at a...
Body on the Balcony
Appropriate to the building anticipation of Halloween, today's New York Times has a story headlined "Body Is Mistaken for a Halloween Display." It seems a man may have committed suicide on the balcony of his apartment in Marina del Rey, CA, and his body was slumped on his patio furniture undisturbed for five days. He had been shot through the eye. A neighbor, Austin Raishbrook, said, "It looked like somebody had thrown a dummy over the back of...
Where Everybody Knows Your Name
I've been to many creative funerals and memorial services, but just went to my first celebration of life event held in a bar. The gathering was in honor of William K. "Big Bill" Baldwin, who started a number of taverns in Albuquerque. He died at the age of 80 on October 5. The news obituary in the paper said there would be a celebration of life at the Horse & Angel Tavern. I tracked down a phone number for his son Billy and asked if I could...
Create A Great Funeral Day
Who knew there was such a thing as Create A Great Funeral Day? It's October 30, and this year is the 10th annual observance. It's not a trick or a treat, but it's inevitable. Got any plans? It was started by Stephanie West Allen, a lawyer who wrote "Creating Your Own Funeral or Memorial Service: A Workbook." She is a strong advocate for people planning their own funerals or memorials, and she teaches seminars on creating farewell services. My...
Day of the Dead Celebrations
The Day of the Dead celebrations held on November 1st and 2nd acknowledge the culmination of the life cycle, and that death will come to us all. While it directly follows Halloween, the holiday is not designed to scare or bring sadness. The Day of the Dead allows the living to honor those who have died – family, friends, ancestors, and pets. While its origins are from ancient Meso-American cultures, which range from Mexico to Honduras and El...
Death Certificates
The funeral director usually orders copies of death certificates for the family, so be prepared when asked how many you want. Death certificates are necessary for a number of important steps to be taken after the funeral. Death certificates are required for making life insurance and annuity claims, changing title on property, closing or changing bank accounts, and financial transactions on behalf of the deceased. These important documents...
Military and Veteran Death Benefits
American veterans and their families are eligible for free services from the government that the funeral home can help obtain. In addition to burial in any of the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) 128 national cemeteries with available space, the VA provides opening and closing of the grave, perpetual care, a Government headstone or marker, a burial flag, and a Presidential Memorial Certificate, at no cost to the family. Veterans who are...
Telephone How-To
No one wants to be the bearer of sad tidings. Recognizing that spreading the word about someone’s death is never easy, being prepared helps make the process easier. Our options for communications have evolved from telephone and newspapers to emails and Internet/online avenues. These communication vehicles have their unique requirements and rules to be effective. Telephone Communications The most personal way to tell family or friends that...
Event Format Considerations
When funeral planning, you may not actually be looking at doing a funeral. You may want to have a memorial service. You may just want to have a party. Here are some considerations about what kind of send-off to plan. “What is traditional? What is contemporary? What is simple? Every family comes to this with a totally different perspective. Expectations are often based on the customs of those who have died, and their families, and their...
Choosing a Final Resting Place
About a third of the U.S. population currently opts for cremation, and that percentage is climbing. Cremains don’t need to be buried in a cemetery, and scattering options abound. Still, more than 50% of those who die in the U.S. are going to be buried. Do you have plans for your body’s final resting place? If burial is the way you want to go, this is something you don’t want to leave up in the air. Those with a religious affiliation can opt to...
The Way We Die Now
At The New York Times online, Timothy Eagan has written a powerful opinion piece about the option of "walking away from the medical-industrial complex" at the end of life. The Way We Die Now looks at how the governor of Oregon, John Kitzhaber, who was a doctor before becoming governor, has been trying to engage the public in the taboo topic of health care and end-of-life care. From the NYT piece: About $67 billion — nearly a third of the money...
Funeral Pre-Pay Pros and Cons
Pre-planning a funeral does not necessarily mean it’s pre-paid. There are arguments to be made both for and against pre-payment. On the plus side, pre-paying guarantees the wishes of the deceased are honored, as they themselves select what they want and pay for it. It saves the family or legal representative the cost and anxiety of last-minute decision-making in the midst of grief. Pre-payments offer built-in inflation protection, as providers...
What Do You Want on Your Tombstone?
Today's Dear Abby column has a great letter from a woman who discovered her father had an affair with the woman who was her husband's mother. It turns out her husband was also her half-brother. Shortly after learning this news, the husband had a heart attack and died. Her dilemma: what to put on his gravestone? She thought "Loving Brother" or "Loving Husband" were her choices. Dear Abby suggested "He was 'Everything' to me," saying that should...
Casket Contemplations
“Just a simple casket, that’s all I want,” my father-in-law told me. That’s not a whole lot of direction when you want to pre-plan a funeral for someone. Although he was still alive at the time to provide more input, he wasn’t very forthcoming. I’m reminded of the plague victim in Monty Python’s The Holy Grail who said “I’m not dead yet.” Per my father-in-law’s directions, my husband and I looked at the simplest casket offered, but we actually...
An Ordinary Day
I recently saw this poem by Andrew Lovato that speaks to the beauty of TODAY. Be present, be grateful, be the best you can be. Andrew is an assistant professor of Speech Communication at Santa Fe Community College. An Ordinary Day There is no such thing as an ordinary day Today is a monumental day in thousands, if not millions of lives For some this is the day of their birth while others will be leaving this earth For many around the world,...
When an Ex Expires
Today's Dear Abby column made a good point about extending condolences when someone dies. The writer worked with another woman for 20 years and they socialized outside work with their husbands. The woman divorced, remarried, and transferred to another department, and the writer now only sees her at work-related functions. The writer recently heard that her friend's ex had died suddenly. She didn't know if it would be appropriate to send a...
Use The Good Stuff Before It’s Too Late
A cousin of mine sent me this note by email. Perhaps you've seen it making the rounds. On the eve of the Jewish New Year, this note is a reminder to live each day to the fullest. Certainly, making peace with the idea that we don't live forever is one way to get the most out of every day. Wishing everyone a sweet New Year. A friend opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package: 'This, - he said - isn't any...
Down The Drain?
There's a new process that presents an environmentally-sensitive way to dispose of human remains. It's so clean, what's left after the process can be safely poured down the drain! While not in widespread use by funeral homes yet, the process liquefies the body into a coffee-colored sterile solution that can be safely disposed of in water or on land without concern about toxic chemicals. Called Water Resolution® from BioSAFE Engineering, it’s a...
Medical Body Donation
Body Donation What is body donation? Donating your body to science has a nice ring to it, but you need to decide that’s what you’re going to do before you die, because pre-registration is a must with most medical school programs. Cadavers are used for a range of purposes to advance medical knowledge. They can be used for disease research and treatment, surgical education of medical students, the creation and improvement of medical...
Embalming Elements
Brace yourself - some of this info is kind of gory... Embalming involves draining blood out of the body and replacing it with a formaldehyde-based preservative. In addition, the abdominal organs are punctured, bacteria and visceral fluid are vacuumed out, and the area is filled with more formaldehyde. This treatment slows, but does not stop, decomposition of the body, and it can plump up the skin’s appearance. My friend Kathleen told me about...
The Nitty-Gritty on Cremation
Cremation involves reducing the body to grit by first burning it in a special furnace called a retort which generates temperatures of 1,600 to 1,800 degrees Fahrenheit. Pacemakers are removed before cremation, as they can explode in the retort. The body is tagged with a metal disc that identifies the deceased and survives the fire. Within two hours, flesh is reduced to an ash residue, leaving a skeleton, which is then pulverized. Any dental...