The Family Plot Blog
A Good Goodbye Book Coming Soon
I'm please to announce that my book, A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die, is moving toward publication and will be available in the coming weeks. Those who wish may pre-order a copy at a discount TODAY. If you order before the book becomes available in mid-October, you get a 25% discount ($12, plus shipping and handling.) A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die provides the information,...
Epitaphs with Character
One of the joys of strolling through cemeteries is reading the epitaphs on headstones and memorial markers. You can really get a sense of the character of the person who's being memorialized by what is written on the marker for their final resting place. Here are a few of the descriptions and sayings I jotted down while strolling in the cemetery where my husband and I will someday be buried: "Physician Wife Mother Friend, Brilliant Passionate...
Dear Abby on Funeral Planning
Yesterday's Dear Abby column had several letters reacting to a July 14 letter, where a man didn't want to attend his mother's funeral and have to see her on display in a casket. Several writers weighed in on the benefits of a memorial service, where the person's life is celebrated without the body present. A woman who works in a funeral home wrote in to suggest a couple of options for those who need to see a body to fully realize the person has...
Why We Need to Talk About Death
Judith Johnson's August 17 column on Huffington Post, titled Why We Need To Talk about Death and Dying, makes a strong case for starting these much-needed conversations. She writes: Both individually and collectively, we are paying an enormous emotional and financial price for being silenced by our society's taboo against talking about death and dying. Other societies educate their members about the reality of death and the processes of dying...
NYC Running Out of Cemetery Space
In the Real Estate Section of the Sunday New York Times, the big feature was about very tiny, very expensive, pieces of real estate - burial plots in a town that is running out of space for the dead. More than 50 years have passed since a major cemetery was established within the city, and no new burial grounds are planned. But New Yorkers continue to die, some 60,000 a year. Per square foot, burial plots in centrally located cemeteries rival...
Story on Events in Cemeteries
The Wall Street Journal just did a story titled, "To Attract Future Customers, Cemeteries Hold Parties to Die For." Cemeteries are holding dances, concerts, barbecues, sky diving contests, anything to get people into the cemetery for an event besides a funeral. From the article: The goal: to nurture warm feelings about the cemetery, in hopes that folks who come to cheer sky-divers today will return in more somber tomorrows. "It gets them into...
Religion, Couples and Funerals
There's an interesting story in today's Washington Post about a study that says couples who share religious practices tend to be happier than those who don't. From the article: True to the aphorism, couples who pray together stay together, said study co-author W. Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, and "African American couples are more likely to have a shared spiritual identity as a...
The Importance of End-of-Life Preparation
There's a great piece on Huffington Post by Judith Johnson, life coach and author of The Wedding Ceremony Planner, titled The Importance of End-of-Life Preparation. She and I are on the same page when it comes to encouraging families to think about and talk to each other about death and putting one's affairs in order. Her definition of putting your affairs in order is that at a minimum, all adults need to have two legal documents: a health care...
Funerals for the Death of a Child
The death of a child is wrenching, whether from accident, illness, or other causes. It’s out of order in the cycle of life and death. The young are not supposed to die before the old. Grief counselor Joan Guntzelman, who has years of experience working with grieving families, notes, "With any child’s death, there’s a huge sense of sadness and often guilt and responsibility on the part of the parents, a feeling of 'I failed' or 'I didn’t do it...
The Real Story Behind the Movie “Get Low”
The film "Get Low," starring Robert Duvall, Bill Murray and Sissy Spacek, which debuted in theaters around the U.S. in the summer of 2010, is based on a true story that provides a fascinating look at an early use of newspaper publicity. Felix "Bush" Breazeale was a bachelor in Tennessee who decided he wanted to have a funeral party while he was still alive, so he could enjoy it. In the film, his funeral becomes a time for Felix to tell the...
Grieving an Unexpected Death
What if someone dies and "it’s complicated"? Relationships with family and the deceased can be complicated by a sudden, unexpected death, ambivalent feelings toward the deceased, and unresolved situations. Grief counselor Joan Guntzelman offered her insights into complicated grief situations. "Death is always a time of disbelief anyway, but when it comes as an unexpected shock, the family may have lots of unfinished business," says Guntzelman....
Bringing Children to Funerals
What if there’s a funeral and we have children? Should we bring them? According to grief counselor Joan Guntzelman, bringing children to funerals is perfectly fine, with some preparation on the part of the parents. Using teachable moments, such as the death of a pet, seeing an animal dead on the side of the road, or observing a plant that has died, can be a good way of showing a child that death is a part of life and it happens to all living...
New Movie on a Living Memorial Service
Just heard about a new movie coming out that provides a light look at funeral planning. Called Get Low, starring Robert Duvall, Sissy Spacek and Bill Murray, the film's tagline is "Every secret dies somewhere." The short synopsis according to the International Movie Database is: A movie spun out of equal parts folk tale, fable and real-life legend about the mysterious, 1930s Tennessee hermit who famously threw his own rollicking funeral...
Radio Interview Thursday on WCOM-FM
Gail Rubin, author of The Family Plot Blog and A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don't Plan to Die, will be interviewed Thursday, July 29 at 1:00 p.m. ET/noon CT/11:00 a.m. MT/10:00 a.m. PT on the radio program The Boomer Beat on WCOM-FM in Carrboro, NC. This one-hour program is an interesting mix of songs related to the theme of the day and conversation. Host Beverly Mahone will be talking with Gail Rubin about the latest trends...
Aetna Accelerates Life Insurance Payments
Scott Beeman, head of Aetna Life Insurance, which recently introduced expedited payments and funeral planning to their services, knows the value of speedy life insurance claims processing from personal experience. His father died when he was 11 years old. "Any mail that was received for my father, we sat on a dining room table, and I don’t think my mom opened up my father’s mail until six or seven months after his death. And I would bet,...
Life Insurance, Death Benefits and Funeral Planning
If you're like many people, you think your life insurance policy will pay for your funeral. Well, yes, it can -- eventually. You may not realize the money from a life insurance policy usually doesn't become available until an official death certificate for the insured person is issued by the state, and that can take weeks or even months to process. Some families who count on life insurance to cover funeral expenses have to scramble to cover...
Regarding Eulogies at Funerals
Rabbi Eric H. Yoffie has an essay at Huffington Post.com titled "Funeral Fiascos: Should Jews Rethink How We Honor the Dead?" Rabbi Yoffie raises a number of good points about who presents a eulogy at a funeral, how many people speak, and what they say. Based on my experience attending hundreds of funerals and memorial services, he is right on. Here are a few highlights of his essay: "A friend of mine recently attended the funeral of someone he...
When Facebook Users Die
There's a great article in today's New York Times titled, "As More Facebook Users Die, Ghosts Reach Out to Reconnect," by Jenna Wortham. It's all about how the fastest-growing group of users are 65 and older, a group that also has the country's highest mortality rate, and what's happening on Facebook as these users die. While family members or friends can make their loved ones' pages into memorial profiles, Facebook's software has a disturbing...
Radio Interview on Monday
Tune in online to radio station Talk820, based in Hamilton, Ontario, at 11:00 a.m. Eastern Time, 9:00 a.m. Mountain Time. Gail Rubin will be a guest on the Nabuurs and Friends program, talking about creative funerals and memorial services, and of course, funeral planning for those who don't plan to die!
Essay on Hospice Death and Unexpected Goodbyes
Huffington Post columnist Nancy Cronk, director of Progressive Outreach in Colorado, recently posted a wonderful piece titled My Father's Final Journey in Hospice, which is well worth your time to read. Here are a few paragraphs: "No one can understand how much anguish end-of-life decisions can cause, unless they have been through it with a loved one. Every impulse we have during our lifetime centers around caring for ourselves and other people...
Poker Players Provide Widow with Supportive Community
On the CBS Evening News on Monday, July 12, Steve Hartman did a really nice story about ways to remember a loved one who has died. His story is titled "Keeping a Poker Player's House Full - The Death of Russell Hughes Didn't End Poker Night at His Home - and That's Just How His Grieving Widow Wants It." "Jo Anne Hughes is a 58-year-old widow from Dallas, Texas, with a story to tell about losing a spouse way too early - and that fine line you...