The Family Plot Blog
What Makes Us Human?
What does it mean to be a human being, as opposed to simply being alive? What does it mean to be dead? When do we stop being human? Albuquerque’s Congregation Albert members wrestled with these questions in a recent text study session with Rabbi Harry Rosenfeld, the synagogue’s new rabbi. Rosenfeld has counseled congregants throughout his 30-year rabbinical career regarding life and death medical procedures. He said there are two levels to...
Food for Thought on End-of-Life Issues
In today's New York Times, David Brooks op-ed column, titled "Death and Budgets," makes a number of good points about our ability (or inability) to face death and the costs we incur to try avoiding the final deadline. Brooks starts out referencing a column that was in Sunday's paper,"The Good Short Life" by Dudley Clendinen, who has amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or A.L.S. Clendinen described it as "more kindly known as Lou Gehrig’s disease,...
Funeral Jokes
A passenger in a taxi heading across town leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me." The badly shaken...
Facebook Fans Vote on Funeralwise Memorial Day Photos
Facebook users across the U.S. are invited to help determine the winning photographs in Funeralwise.com’s first annual Memorial Day Photo Contest. Participants can also enter the Funeralwise.com “Fan-tastic Photo” Sweepstakes to win a 16 mega-pixel digital camera valued at $200. Twelve images that convey the meaning and emotion associated with Memorial Day have been selected as finalists by a panel of judges. Winners will be decided by Facebook...
LoveToKnow Interview
The information website LoveToKnow.com, "Everything You'd Love to Know," posted an interview with your humble correspondent Gail Rubin. Mary Beth Adomaitis interviewed me about funeral preplanning issues, where I answered these questions: What is involved in funeral preplanning? At what point should a person consider preplanning his or her own funeral? What is the most important thing to keep in mind when preplanning? Why do you think so many...
Advice for Widows in First Year
"Don't make any changes for a year" is the conventional wisdom given to widows and widowers after their spouse dies. However, it's not always the best financial advice. Jim Schwartz, CFP, DCFA, Senior Advisor with Strategic Wealth Advisors, has written an eBook titled Financial Challenges Facing a Bereaved Spouse or Partner that looks at specific financial problems to identify and avoid, especially in the first year. Schwartz explained, "Some...
A Good Goodbye is a Book of the Year Award Finalist
A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die is a finalist in the 2010 Book of the Year Awards Family and Relationships category. The awards were announced by ForeWord Reviews magazine at the American Library Association annual convention in New Orleans. Americans plan their finances, their families, their retirement, just about everything – except their funerals. That omission can mess up all their other life plans. A Good...
Report from ADEC Miami Conference
Taking some time while waiting for the plane from Miami to New Orleans to upload this YouTube video about the ADEC conference which wrapped up today. My presentation on "Using Comedy Films to start Funeral Planning Conversations" was very well received. In addition to showing Carpet Kingdom and Plots, there was time to show some scenes from other films to encourage the idea of having a living memorial service. In conversations with other...
Funny Films for Funeral Planning at ADEC Conference
Gail Rubin, “The Doyenne of Death,” will show and discuss comedic films for funeral planning conversations at the Association for Death Education and Counseling (ADEC) annual conference in Miami. Her presentation will take place on Thursday, June 23 at 10:00 a.m. at the Intercontinental Hotel in downtown Miami. Rubin, the author of A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die, will show two short funny films that can help...
Funeral for Dr. Jack Kevorkian
The words about "Dr. Death" Jack Kevorkian show that the man had an impact in getting the end-of-life conversation going. Here is a sampling of articles that have appeared about him since his death and funeral. Click on the name of the publication to read the entire story. Detroit Free Press, June 3: Fieger: 'Kevorkian didn't seek out history, but he made history' Attorney Geoffrey Fieger, who defended Michigan's most famous felon pathologist...
The American Way of (Denying) Death
The Financial Times of London recently ran this thought-provoking column about the American way of living and dying with our current medical system. The author, Kiran Gupta, is a doctor in Boston. Here in the US, efforts to reform end-of-life care quickly lead to concerns about “pulling the plug on grandma”. Dying is inevitable. Doctors are not divine; we cannot cure everyone. But the US healthcare system – which emphasises heroic interventions...
Frozen Dead Guy Days for Sale
I have a warm spot in my heart for Frozen Dead Guy Days, having presented "The Newly-Dead Game" there back in March. Then I see the festival is for sale! But it sounds like Grandpa will still be hangin' in the Tuff Shed. Here's a news story about it in the Boulder Daily Camera: For sale: Nederland's Frozen Dead Guy Days festival Chamber of commerce seeks event company to take over quirky festival By Laura Snider, Camera Staff Writer The...
Dying is Easy Quotes
Over the weekend, the phrase "Dying is easy; comedy is hard (or difficult)." came to mind. There are a number of amusing variations on this quotation. The quote has been attributed to a number of actors, including Edmund Kean (died 1833); Edmund Gwenn, who played Santa Claus in the 1947 film Miracle on 34th Street (died 1959); George Bernard Shaw, Irish playwright (died 1950); Donald Wolfit, English actor (died 1968); Edwin Booth, brother of...
Tahara Ritual Article
A wonderful story recently appeared in The Chicago Tribune about how to conduct the Jewish rituals for a tahara. Here's the start of the story by Barbara Brotman, which ran in conjunction with a Chicago area convention of Chevra Kaddisha volunteers. Tahara: Respect for the dead and comfort for the living Traditional Jewish ritual of preparing a body for burial is making a comeback with liberal congregations On the table lay a human form covered...
Psalms for Funerals: The 27th
Continuing our psalms for funerals series, consider the 27th Psalm. Many psalms offer consolation and encouragement in the face of trouble and grief. This one offers wonderful imagery of God's shelter in time of trouble, and seeing God's goodness in the land of the living. It recognizes that fathers and mothers pass away. Though our parents may "forsake" us by dying, God is eternal and will take care of us. It offers great encouragement for...
Benjamin Franklin on Death
Wise Words from Benjamin Franklin From Benjamin Franklin, some wise words expressing his view of life and death. He wrote this in a letter to a friend after attending a funeral for a friend. "We are spirits. That bodies should be lent us, while they can afford us pleasure, assist us in acquiring knowledge, or in doing good to our fellow creatures, is a kind and benevolent act of God. When they become unfit for these purposes and afford us pain...
Psalms for Funerals: The 25th
Continuing the psalms for funerals series with Psalm 25. This psalm is a plea for guidance, especially in the dark times after a loved one dies, It provides a reminder of the covenant God makes with those who believe. And like the 23rd, this makes references to helping deal with enemies. A Psalm of David. Unto You, O God, I lift up my soul. O my God, I trust in you: let me not be ashamed, nor let my enemies triumph over me. Let none that wait...
Funeral Elements – Four Rs for A Good Goodbye
“Don’t have a funeral for me when I’m gone.” People say this, not realizing while the memorial service is about them, it’s not really for them. Funerals are for those still living who grieve the loss of someone they love. Funeral and memorial service rituals help recognize this transition, socially acknowledge the death, and help start processing grief to move toward healing. Dr. William G. Hoy, a grief counselor and death educator, explained,...
Videos Make End-of-Life Choices Less Abstract
CBS News recently ran a story about videos that detail end-of-life treatment options and give patients real-world examples to better inform their choices. These videos provide an eye-opening look at what really happens when your medical directives say "Do everything in your power to save me." 25 percent of all Medicare spending, more than 100 billion dollars, is spent in the last year of life. Every year, patients are getting expensive,...
Psalms for Funerals: The 46th
Continuing the psalms for funerals series with Psalm 46. This psalm is probably most famous for the phrase, "Be still, and know that I am God." In the chaos and confusion following a death in the family, Psalm 46 provides the reassurance that God, as the first line says, "is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." A Psalm of David. God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear,...
Psalms for Funerals: The 121st
Continuing the psalms for funerals series with Psalm 121. (Note - we're not going in numerical order.) If you live in an area with big hills or mountains that catch your attention on a daily basis, consider Psalm 121. This psalm can give you a regular dose of inspiration and comfort. This is my own updating of the King James version, to make references to God gender neutral. After all, are not both men and women made in the image of God? Psalm...