The Family Plot Blog
Christmas Luminarias in the Cemetery
One of the popular Christmas Eve activities here in Albuquerque is to visit neighborhoods that line their sidewalks and homes with luminarias. These simple decorations are constructed of brown paper bags, weighted with sand and lit by a single votive candle. Besides the luminaria tour route that draws thousands to see the lights, some of the busiest places are the local cemeteries. Families decorate the graves of loved ones with luminarias and...
Albuquerque Death Cafe Meetup Group Announced
After the last successful Albuquerque Death Cafe, regular attendee Joe Fulton suggested a Meetup group would be a good way to manage future gatherings. Thanks to Joe, we now have an Albuquerque Death Cafe Meetup group! We currently have six members, and already seven people have signed up for the next ABQ Death Cafe. This gathering will take place on Saturday, February 1, 2:30 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. at Sheila's Sweets, 8600 Indian School Road NE...
South Park Christmas Carols: Dead, Dead, Dead
By Gail Rubin This morning, NPR did a brilliant story surveying downer Christmas songs, titled "Have Yourself a Sullen Little Christmas." It starts out: "Less than a week before Christmas, holly-jolly holiday music abounds — and if you're not feeling holly or jolly, it can be a little hard to take. For NPR Music's Stephen Thompson and Morning Edition producer Travis Larchuk, the holidays often mean searching for alternatives: In Thompson's...
What Fans of Walter White Can Teach Us About Funerals
By Gail Rubin (Spoiler Alert) Now that the award-winning TV series Breaking Bad has finished its run, if you plan to watch past episodes and don’t want to know how it ends, don’t read this blog post. (Still reading? Don’t say I didn’t warn you.) Walter White, who evolves from mild-mannered science teacher to meth manufacturer and drug lord, dies in the last episode of Breaking Bad. Here in Albuquerque, where the series was based and filmed,...
Discussing Solstice, Hospice, NDEs and DVDs
The longest nights of the year are upon us as we slide toward the Winter Solstice this Saturday, December 21. These short days remind us that our time in the sunshine of this lifetime is limited. Let us count our blessings, of which we have many. If you are reading this on the Internet or an electronic device, you must have electricity, a computer, tablet or smart phone, and the resources for access. That's a lot more than the possessions of...
Lessons in Joyful Living Radio Interview
Can you talk about joyful living and funeral planning at the same time? You bet! When we consider our mortality, we recognize how we need to make the most of this finite physical lifetime. Tune in to hear Gail Rubin, The Doyenne of Death®, on Lessons in Joyful Living, hosted by Kimberly Rinaldi, on the RockStar Radio Network, this Wednesday, December 18 at 1:00 p.m. ET / noon CT / 11:00 a.m. MT / 10:00 a.m. PT. Read more about this show....
ABQ Death Cafe Report
At yesterday's Albuquerque Death Cafe, held at Sheila's Sweets, seven people joined host Gail Rubin for a wide-ranging conversation. Mascot Lola (pictured), presided at the end of the table. Topics discussed included this past week's courtroom consideration of New Mexico's laws regarding physician aid-in-dying. The judge in the case heard arguments whether it will hold doctors liable under the state's current rules on physician-assisted...
Want to Discuss Physician Aid-In-Dying?
The question of whether a physician can assist a terminally ill patient end his or her suffering was examined in an Albuquerque courtroom over the past two days. The question centers on the definition of physician aid-in-dying and is it really physician-assisted-suicide? If you want to discuss these issues, there's a great opportunity tomorrow to the next Albuquerque Death Cafe, taking place Saturday, December 14 at 2:30 p.m. at Sheila's...
What People Don’t Know About Hospice Can Kill Them
Mention the word “hospice” and many people think it means a patient is “giving up the fight.” It’s actually all about making the most of the time a seriously-ill patient has, leading to a better quality, and sometimes a greater quantity, of life. Hospice and palliative care are the topic on A Good Goodbye Radio Wednesday, December 18 at 6:00 p.m. ET/3:00 p.m. PT. Three special guests will talk about what hospice is (and isn’t); why it’s...
Holiday Grief: Helping Your Child Cope
The holidays are ideally filled with family, laughter, love and togetherness, and a time for children to experience the joy of the season. However, children who have recently experienced loss may struggle during the holiday season, overwhelmed with feelings of sadness, anger and resentment over not having their loved one there. Parents and caregivers can help children cope with their feelings and help them find ways to keep the memory of their...
How Near-Death Experiences Change Views of Death
Could having a near-death experience reduce fear of death and of funeral planning? Near-death experiences (NDEs) happen when a person is either clinically dead, near death, or in a situation where death is likely or expected. With today’s medical treatments able to save many individuals who might have otherwise died, people return from these traumatic events with remarkable stories and insights. Lee Witting, representing the International...
Meaningful Memorial Service Mementos
Memorial mementos, small keepsakes in remembrance of the deceased, are increasingly apparent at funeral services. Most are low-cost items that have a meaningful connection to the person. Sometimes the family thinks of these things themselves, and sometimes it’s an idea sparked by the celebrant. For example, at a funeral where I served as celebrant, the deceased gentleman was known for saying, "Coke with the meal!" This was before restaurants...
It IS “A Wonderful Life”
The holidays are officially upon us, with the music, TV specials and movies that evoke memories of earlier Christmas seasons. One of my favorite films, besides A Christmas Story (30th anniversary this year of Ralphie hearing, "You'll put your eye out!"), is It's A Wonderful Life (67th anniversary of "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings!"). If you like It's A Wonderful Life and want to see it in its entirety with popcorn and without...
For Cremation, Can You Avoid These People?
If you are curious about cremation in New Mexico, check out this video of a talk I recently gave at my Albuquerque Challenge Toastmasters Club. It's titled "Can You Avoid These People?" This refers to a woman who approached me after a talk on Funeral Planning for Those Who Don't Plan to Die. She said that she planned to be cremated, but she didn't want to deal with funeral homes, bankers or insurance agents. The text of some of the information...
Softening the Holiday Blues
No truer words were spoken than when Elvis sang, “I’ll have a blue Christmas without you.” When the holidays roll around, we especially miss those we love who have died. From Thanksgiving into the New Year, a few changes to the family’s routines can soften the holiday blues over the death of a loved one. Break Traditions Go someplace new at holiday time and make new memories. One Christmas season, a woman at a holiday party spoke about her...
Is Funeral Planning Moving Away from Funeral Homes?
Funerals are the party no one wants to plan. But, if one could hire party planning professionals for funerals and memorial services, would more families hold events that memorialize a loved one? Seasons Funeral Planning in Las Vegas, Nevada is not a funeral home nor do they take the place of the funeral home. They are the guidance counselors a family sees before visiting or selecting a funeral provider. They help families better understand the...
Talkin’ Turkey: Life and Death Issues this Holiday Weekend
My friends at Engage With Grace are once again reminding us to discuss our preferences for medical treatment, before a medical crisis strikes. EWG co-founder Alexandra Drane is the guest on today's prerecorded A Good Goodbye Radio program. We discussed living and dying with intention, and all the information in this special Thanksgiving guest blog post. We love to talk about our lives…what about our deaths? Most of us find ourselves pretty...
Giving Thanks for All Our Blessings
With the Thanksgiving holiday drawing near, I am thankful to you, and to all my faithful readers, for allowing me to keep in touch with you about how to start conversations on serious topics most folks would rather avoid. As Americans gather with their families for a Thanksgiving holiday weekend, it's an opportune time to have those conversations that will enable you to act with courage, care and knowledge when a medical crisis affects a loved...
How to Bounce Back from Loss: The Art of Resiliency
We all experience major disruptions at certain times in our lives. A loved one dies, leaves or gets in trouble; we get fired, laid off or passed over; an important project stalls or gets cancelled. The list, unfortunately, is endless. For some, the impact of these hard times is overwhelming. Recovery, if it comes at all, can be painfully slow. Others show resilience and are admirably able to glide through these times fairly easily, bouncing...
This Thanksgiving, How About Discussing Advanced Directives?
73% of Americans say dying at home is their preference, but anywhere between 20-50% of Americans die in hospital settings. Would your nearest and dearest know your healthcare preferences if you could not speak for yourself? If not, why not discuss your wishes as the family gathers for the Thanksgiving holiday? Alexandra Drane, co-founder of the nonprofit organization Engage With Grace, knows the power of intention applied to life-and-death...
Video of Compassion and Choices Talk
At a recent Compassion & Choices "meet and greet" event, I was honored to be the guest speaker. Among the topics discussed were end-of-life issues, advance directives, informed consent, death language, and the works of John Donne (ask not for whom the bell tolls). Although I can't post the film clips in this talk (YouTube and copyright issues), here's video of what I had to say keyed to clips from The Mary Tyler Moore Show and A Good...