What a 1971 dark comedy taught us at a Mortality Movie Matinee in North Carolina.
What happens when you bring 30 people together to watch a dark comedy about a death-obsessed young man and a life-loving 79-year-old woman?
You get laughter, thoughtful conversation, a few tears, and some surprising insights about living and dying.
That’s what happened Saturday, October 24, when I hosted a Mortality Movie Matinee featuring Harold and Maude (1971) at the Sunrise Theater in Southern Pines, North Carolina.
The screening followed another successful event the day before: the first local Death Café in Whispering Pines, which attracted 60 people! Many of those participants returned for the movie, eager to continue conversations about mortality.
As The Doyenne of Death®, I couldn’t have asked for a more enthusiastic reception.
Gail Rubin in the driver’s seat of this Jaguar hearse recreation from the film Harold and Maude.
An Unlikely Love Story
Directed by Hal Ashby, Harold and Maude stars Bud Cort as Harold, a wealthy young man obsessed with death, and Ruth Gordon as Maude, a free-spirited woman approaching her 80th birthday.
Harold spends his days staging elaborate fake suicides, attending funerals of strangers, and driving a Jaguar hearse he has fashioned from a luxury automobile. His horrified mother tries to steer him toward a conventional life, complete with computer-matched dates.
Then Harold meets Maude at a funeral.
While Harold is fascinated by death, Maude is passionately engaged with life. She steals cars, rescues trees, makes music, and encourages Harold to experience the world rather than simply observe it.
Their unlikely friendship blossoms into romance, challenging assumptions about age, love, and what makes life worth living.
And yes, the film is very funny.
Bud Cort plays Harold and Ruth Gordon plays Maude
Laughing at Death, Until We Don’t
The biggest laughs at our screening came from Harold’s increasingly outrageous attempts to frighten away his prospective dates.
One young woman watches in horror as Harold apparently sets himself on fire. Another encounters his gruesome illusion of chopping off his hand with a meat cleaver. And then there’s his spectacularly theatrical hara-kiri performance.
The audience roared.
But Harold and Maude is much more than a collection of outrageous sight gags.
One of the film’s most tender moments comes when Maude recalls her life in Europe before World War II. Her eyes fill with tears as she remembers a world that has disappeared.
In a later scene, the camera briefly reveals numbers tattooed on her arm.
In that quiet moment, we understand that Maude survived the Holocaust.
Her exuberant embrace of life takes on an entirely different meaning. This woman has experienced unimaginable loss and suffering, yet she still finds joy in music, nature, friendship, and love.
The contrast between Harold’s fascination with death and Maude’s appreciation of life becomes even more profound.
What Our Audience Had to Say
After the screening, we discussed the film’s themes of mortality, aging, love, and personal choice.
One gentleman made a particularly insightful observation: Harold’s obsession with death gradually diminishes as Maude teaches him to experience life and love fully.
Yet opening himself to love also makes Harold vulnerable to tremendous pain.
That’s the paradox of human connection. Loving deeply means accepting the possibility of loss. But refusing to love because we might someday grieve means missing much of what makes life meaningful.
Our audience also explored one of the film’s most challenging elements.
Maude has decided that she will die on her 80th birthday. Despite her apparent happiness, her love for Harold, and her survival of the Holocaust, she follows through on that decision.
It’s a startling contradiction. The character who teaches Harold to embrace life has chosen to end her own.
One audience member mentioned the national organization Compassion & Choices as a helpful resource for information about end-of-life options.
Our discussion provided an opportunity to distinguish Maude’s fictional decision from medical aid in dying, which, where legally permitted, involves specific eligibility requirements for terminally ill adults.
The film raises difficult questions about autonomy, suffering, and the meaning of a life well lived. It doesn’t provide easy answers.
And that’s precisely why it’s such a valuable conversation starter.
A Jaguar Hearse and a Remarkable Coincidence
One of the most memorable vehicles in movie history is Harold’s Jaguar hearse, a customized automobile that becomes almost another character in the film.
During our discussion, I told the audience about Ken Roberts, who created a remarkably faithful recreation of the famous vehicle.
I’m including a YouTube video showing his handiwork because it’s quite a sight!
Then something delightfully strange happened.
After the matinee, while I was having lunch, I received an email from Ken himself. He told me that his Jaguar hearse recreation was completely fixed up and ready for sale.
Talk about timing!
Anyone interested in owning a piece of Harold and Maude automotive history, or at least a remarkable recreation of it? Contact me and I’ll make a connection for you!
Choosing Life, Even After Loss
Perhaps the most important scene in Harold and Maude comes at the very end.
After Maude’s death, we see Harold’s Jaguar hearse plunge over a cliff.
For a moment, we’re led to believe that Harold has followed her into death.
But then the camera reveals him standing at the top of the cliff, and he starts to play his banjo.
He has chosen life.
It’s a powerful conclusion. Harold has experienced love, suffered a devastating loss, and discovered that life remains worth living.
Maude’s greatest gift to him wasn’t simply romance. It was teaching him to participate fully in the world.
That’s the lesson I carried away from our Southern Pines screening.
Our audience brought thoughtful observations, laughter, and a willingness to explore uncomfortable questions. The conversations reminded me why I love using movies as tools for death education.
We don’t have to agree with every choice a character makes to learn something valuable from the story.
And we don’t have to wait until we’re facing death to appreciate being alive.
Have you seen Harold and Maude? What did you think about Maude’s decision and Harold’s response? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
Want More Mortality Movies?
My book, 98.6 Mortality Movies to See Before You Die: Remarkable Films and TV Shows to Discuss Death and Plan Ahead, features 142 films and television programs, with themes and discussion questions to help you start meaningful conversations.
And if you’d like to enjoy the Mortality Movies TV series episodes without jumping back and forth to YouTube, become a paid subscriber to Mortality Movies with The Doyenne of Death® on Substack.
You’ll get access to all 16 complete television episodes, approximately 30 minutes each, with the movie clips included, even some that are blocked on YouTube.
Visit gailrubin.substack.com to subscribe.
Remember, talking about funerals won’t make you dead. But talking about mortality just might help you live more fully.
