For many families, cremation marks the end of a practical process. But it can also be the beginning of an important emotional one.
As cremation has become the most common form of disposition in the United States, families are increasingly asking how they can create meaningful rituals around it. According to the Cremation Association of North America (CANA), 62.8% of Americans who died in 2025 were cremated. That percentage is expected to continue growing in the years ahead. As more families choose cremation, many may be surprised to discover that meaningful ceremonies can take place before, during, or after the cremation process.
Episode Eleven of Mortality Movies explores how films portray cremation ceremonies as opportunities for healing, remembrance, and honoring final wishes. Host Gail Rubin, The Doyenne of Death®, is joined by death doula Danielle Slupesky and grief coach and death doula Genna Reeves, PhD. They discuss three films that illustrate very different approaches to cremation and the role ritual plays in processing grief.
Together, these stories remind us that while cremation is a method of disposition, ceremony is what helps people say goodbye.
Witnessing the Beginning of Cremation
The Academy Award-winning Japanese film Departures (2008) offers Western audiences a glimpse into funeral customs that may feel unfamiliar but carry profound emotional meaning.
The film follows Daigo, a cellist who unexpectedly becomes a nokanshi, a professional who prepares the deceased for burial or cremation through a highly choreographed ceremonial washing and dressing performed in the presence of the family. In his hometown, a childhood friend gives Daigo a hard time about this career choice. However, he changes his tune when his own mother dies and Daigo prepares her body.
In the featured clip, the family witnesses the beginning of the cremation process. Daigo and his wife are there as well.
In Japan, this is a normal part of many cremation ceremonies. Family members gather before the casket is put into the cremation chamber. This moment offers a final chance for a farewell before the cremation begins. Later, they may participate in the ceremonial collection of the cremated remains using chopsticks, another ritual that emphasizes family participation and reinforces the reality of the death.
In contrast, cremation in the United States is often carried out privately, frequently in an industrial setting. Many families don’t know they can have the opportunity to witness the cremation. Most funeral homes will charge extra for the opportunity to view and participate in a ceremony to start the cremation.
The panel discusses how witnessing the beginning of cremation can become a powerful moment of closure. For some families, seeing their loved one put into the cremation retort helps make the reality of the death more tangible while providing one final opportunity to express love and gratitude.
When Families Disagree About Final Wishes
One of the most emotionally charged stories in this episode comes from Captain Fantastic (2016).
Viggo Mortensen plays Ben, a father raising his six children (while utilizing unconventional values) in the forests of the Pacific Northwest. When his wife dies by suicide after living with bipolar disorder, conflict erupts between Ben and his wife’s parents over her funeral arrangements.
Her parents arranged a traditional Catholic funeral and burial. But she had left written instructions requesting a Buddhist cremation and simple disposition.
Unable to reconcile these competing visions, Ben and the children interrupt the funeral, eventually reclaim her body from the cemetery, and ultimately carry out the open-air cremation ceremony she wanted.
The film raises important questions that many families face, even if the circumstances are far less dramatic.
What happens when relatives disagree about funeral arrangements?
Whose wishes should take precedence?
How can families balance personal beliefs, religious traditions, and the expressed desires of the deceased?
This bonus scene shows the husband and children gathering around the cremation fire, sharing music, dancing, and eventually carrying out one final unconventional request: disposing of her cremated remains by flushing them down a toilet at an airport.
While few families would choose such an ending, the scene illustrates an important principle.
Meaningful ceremonies are not about following someone else’s traditions. They are about honoring the life, personality, and wishes of the person who died. It helps enormously to put your wishes in writing.
Creating Personal Rituals
The quirky Australian indie film He Died with a Felafel in His Hand (2001) demonstrates that meaningful remembrance doesn’t require elaborate planning.
Following the cremation of their friend, a group gathers around what Australians affectionately call a “barbie.” Usually a backyard barbecue, this one seems to be located on top of an apartment building.
Each person places a small object into the fire, shares a few words, and remembers the deceased in their own way. The ritual is simple, heartfelt, and deeply personal.
There are no formal prayers, no prescribed order of service, and no expensive production. Instead, the ceremony reflects the personality of the person they loved and the friendships they shared. This scene reminds viewers that rituals don’t have to be traditional to be meaningful.
Lighting candles, scattering flowers, writing letters, sharing favorite foods, playing music, or telling stories can all become powerful acts of remembrance.
What matters most is not the form of the ceremony but the opportunity it provides for people to express love, grief, and gratitude.
Ceremony Helps Make Loss Real
Although each film approaches cremation differently, they all reinforce the same truth: ceremony matters.
Whether families witness the beginning of a cremation as in Departures, struggle to fulfill a loved one’s final wishes as in Captain Fantastic, or gather around a barbecue to share memories as in He Died with a Felafel in His Hand, each ritual creates space for grief to be acknowledged.
Cremation itself is a physical process. Ceremony is the emotional process.
As cremation continues to grow in popularity, families have unprecedented opportunities to create personalized experiences that reflect the unique lives of those they love. There is no single right way to say goodbye.
The most meaningful ceremonies are those that bring people together, encourage storytelling, honor final wishes, and help mourners begin adapting to life after loss.
Movies like these remind us that while every farewell looks different, every meaningful farewell shares one purpose: helping the living carry their love forward.
What film or television program have you seen that showed a memorable cremation ceremony or unique farewell ritual? Share your recommendations in the comments and help continue the conversation.
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You can also discover a treasure trove of conversation-starting films and TV shows in Gail Rubin’s latest book, 98.6 Mortality Movies to See Before You Die.
