Caregivers Need Help Without Having to Ask

May 21, 2011 | 0 comments

Dear Abby

Dear Abby

Today’s Dear Abby column included a letter from a gentleman who’s a caregiver for his wife. Since I’m going to be on the “Coping with Caregiving” online radio show today, this letter is timely.

DEAR ABBY: My wife has dementia. Our children don’t live close by, so I’m her only caregiver. One afternoon a week I hire someone to stay with her so I can grocery shop, do banking and run necessary errands.

Neighbors and friends over the years have offered the standard, “If I can do anything to help, let me know,” but I’m not the type to call and ask, although it would be wonderful to have more hours to myself to do things in a leisurely manner rather than like running a marathon.

I know people are busy, but it would be great if some of those who offered help would call occasionally, tell me they have an afternoon or evening free (or even an hour or two) and give me a little breathing room.

I don’t begrudge one moment of the time I have spent caring for my wife. She has, for 50 years, been a marvelous wife, a wonderful mother and the center of our family. Whatever I do for her can never repay the comfort, strength and joy she has brought into my life.

But I cried (privately) on Christmas Day after the family had finished our gift exchange, because I had no time to go and buy her a gift.

Please advise your readers that if the offer of help they extend is real, to please check their schedules, find some time they are willing to give, call that friend, neighbor or relative and offer to sit with their loved one. That thoughtful gesture will be appreciated beyond what they could possibly ever imagine. — A FRIEND OF YOURS

A Good Goodbye