The Family Plot Blog
Two and a Half Men Funeral
Did you watch the funeral on last night's debut of the new season of Two and a Half Men? I tuned in just to see what they'd do to officially get rid of Charlie Sheen's character, Charlie Harper, and of course, report on the funeral. It looked like a traditional funeral, but - this being a comedy - there were snarky comments from the large group of Charlie's ex-girlfriends in attendance. When brother Alan Harper said, "I know this is a very sad...
Cryonics and Estate Planning
This is today's guest post that I wrote for the American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys blog. Former American Idol judge and The X Factor creator Simon Cowell. Famed baseball slugger Ted Williams. Bredo Morstoel. Robert Ettinger. What do these four men have in common? And who are Morstoel and Ettinger? They all have been, or intend to be, put into a cryogenic deep freeze after death. Their hope: when medical science comes up with a cure...
Living and Dying, Setbacks and Advances
In your life, are you able to see past setbacks in a new positive light? Contrasting living and dying really helps clarify values. Loved today's blog post by Robert Armstrong, President and Founder of the American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys: Given the retirement of Steve Jobs as CEO of Apple, I was reminded of his attitude about his health risks and how it empowered rather than limited him: "Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the...
Burial Alternatives Going Mainstream
The Science Channel on MSNBC.com recently ran an interesting story on eight burial alternatives that are becoming more common. LiveScience Senior Writer Stephanie Pappas wrote this great piece that covered alkaline hydrolysis (also called resomation), natural burial (a.k.a. green burial), eternal reefs, cryonics, space burial, mummification, plastination (preserving bodies for education or exhibitions), and freeze drying. I've written quite a...
Memorial Stone Joke
A joke for today: Sam died and his will provided $50,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last attendees left, Sam's wife, Rose, turned to her oldest friend Sadie and said, "Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased." "I'm sure you're right, " replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lowered her voice to a whisper. "Tell me, Rose, how much did it really cost?" "All of it? Fifty thousand," said Rose. "No!" Sadie exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but...
Writing at the End-of-Life
NPR did an interesting story this morning about an end-of-life exercise that can help both the living and dying. For several decades, psychiatrists who work with the dying have been trying to come up with new psychotherapies that can help people cope with the reality of their death. One of these therapies asks the dying to tell the story of their life. This end-of-life treatment, called dignity therapy, was created by a man named Harvey...
Remembering Lives Lost on 9/11
This afternoon, I attended a memorial service at a new monument to those who died on September 11, 2001. Ten years later, a memorial scroll with 2,998 names of those who died as a result of the terrorist actions on that day, was interred with pieces of concrete and steel from the Twin Towers in New York City. This event took place in Rio Rancho, New Mexico, at the Vista Verde Cemetery. The event was put together by Daniels Family Funeral...
Second Chances by Chuck Gallagher
Chuck Gallagher makes a strong entrance when he speaks. He shuffles up to the stage wearing an orange prison jumpsuit and shackled in handcuffs as he speaks about taking 23 steps into federal prison. "Choices have consequences" is Gallagher's mantra, and his book, Second Chances: Transforming Adversity into Opportunity, reinforces that message throughout. His talk at the ICCFA convention earlier this year was billed as "Ethical Choices: The...
Death and Debt
CNN Money recently did an interesting story about how credit cards and banks pursue grieving family to settle debts held by the deceased. This is yet another part of funeral planning that folks don't usually consider. What kind of balances are you carrying on your credit cards? Is it something the executor can easily pay off for you in the weeks following your demise? What about loans from banks? How long will it take before the life insurance,...
On Joy and Sorrow
When in the midst of grieving, consider these words of wisdom from Khalil Gibran, Lebanese-American poet, writer, and artist, and author of The Prophet: Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was often time filled with your tears... When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again...
Two Events This Week
Thursday, September 8th is going to be a busy day! I'm speaking at the Santa Fe Doorways meeting from 11:30 to 1:00 p.m. in addition to having A Good Goodbye represented at the International Literacy Day at the Albuquerque Main Library. Santa Fe Doorways is a network of care providers related to hospice and end-of-life issues. Here are details about this talk at Santa Fe Doorways: ""Funny Films to Start Serious Funeral Planning Conversations"...
Changing Return Address Labels
Here's a sort of funeral etiquette question about blacking out the name of the deceased on return address labels used by widows. This didn't show up in the online Dear Abby column, but it ran in today's Albuquerque Journal. DEAR ABBY: In years past, I have lost three friends. Because we lived far apart, I learned the sad news when their widows informed me by letter of their deaths. In each case, the widow had blacked out the name of her spouse...
Ask Thelma Column on Funerals
Etiquette expert Thelma Domenici's latest "Ask Thelma" column includes a query about the organization of funerals. The question is not about funeral etiquette, but the changing structure of the memorial service itself. The writer is uncomfortable with the growing trend of inviting attendees to stand up and speak off the cuff about the deceased. There's often an uncomfortable silence after attendees are asked to share impromptu stories. This...
Facelift Funerals
Yesterday, I had the pleasure of interviewing Stephanie West Allen, the creator of Create a Great Funeral Day. We had a wide-ranging conversation on how she started the funeral planning "holiday" in 2000, the benefits of discussing one's wishes, such as becoming aware of one's legacy, and "good" funerals versus "bad" funerals. A full-fledged article will come soon. She has some very insightful views on the importance of talking about our values...
Greetings from the New Mexico Conference on Aging
I've been hanging out today talking about funeral planning along with the fine folks at French Advance Planning. We were in the expo hall for the New Mexico Conference on Aging. Here's a little video from the day. Governor Susana Martinez is going to be speaking here tomorrow - that should be interesting to witness. Anyone have any questions they want me to ask her? http://youtu.be/PMeZ5XPK6O8
Video from ADEC Conference
http://youtu.be/_qN2PxK0TBU At the Association for Death Education and Counseling (ADEC) conference back in June, I met a wonderful woman from Scotland named Tabitha Jayne. She spoke at the conference about overcoming grief by communing with nature. Her talk was titled, “The Transformative Power of Nature in Grief and Loss.” Tabitha Jayne became an expert in the field of grief and loss coaching after she developed an interest in the topic...
Funeral Words of Wisdom
Enjoy this wonderfully poetic essay, words of wisdom about living and dying and funerals. It was written by someone who participated in the Celebrant training at ICCFA University who wishes to remain anonymous. One day you will have a funeral. Now, none of us want it to happen but we all know it will. Stuffed in a suit, buried in a box, you’ll burn to ashes, walk through pearly gates, chill underground, or maybe reincarnate. Point is your life...
A Creative End for Larry Hagman
In Sunday's New York Times Magazine, actor Larry Hagman had a fun Q&A with Andrew Goldman in the "Talk" column. He's got an interesting take on funeral planning. The online version is titled "The Rollicking Life of Larry Hagman" and he talks about a mescaline trip on an Indian reservation, being drunk most of the time he played J.R. Ewing on the TV show "Dallas" and his love of soaking in hot water. But it's the last answer that I love the...
Celebrants Offer More Meaningful Funerals
Meaningful funerals. Isn’t that a given? Aren’t most funerals meaningful and personal? If you’ve been to one recently, you know that’s not always the case. A recent article on Miller-McCune.com explored aspects of the services offered by celebrants. "Families with no house of worship or clergy too busy to lead a service may resort to a “rent-a-minister," says Glenda Stansbury, dean of the In-Sight Institute in Oklahoma City, one of the...
Revive the Men of Mortuaries Calendar!
Check out this Men of Mortuaries calendar image from 2008. The Good Funeral Guide Blog in the U.K., headed up by Charles Cowling, recently ran a post about the charitable calendar that made appearances in 2007 and 2008. Obit Magazine did a fun story about the project back in 2007: OMG!! Men of Mortuaries? The calendar is produced by KAMM Cares, a non-profit organization created by Kenneth McKenzie (Mr. June 2008). The organization places money...
Eulogy for a Young Person
After reading this post, if you're looking for additional guidance on creating a eulogy, check out these other Family Plot Blog posts: A Short Memorial Service Template A Ceremony for Cremation During Celebrant training at the ICCFA University in July, our class of 36 was split up into teams of three and given the assignment of creating a personalized, non-religious memorial service for a specific kind of death. The categories of deaths...