Ruth Rubin was my mother. As a Certified Funeral Celebrant, I was honored to write her obituary and create this graveside service for her. Here is my script for the service, so you can see the elements of Recognize, Remember, Reaffirm and Release that comprise every good funeral or memorial service.
Music (Adonai Li)
Welcome. We just listened to Adonai Li, the High Holiday rendition of the last stanza of the song Adon Olam. The translation is “God is near, I have no fear.” Most of you here in person at King David Memorial Park know me, I’m Gail Rubin, Ruth Rubin’s daughter. I’m also a Certified Funeral Celebrant, honored to escort my mother to her final resting place and celebrate her life.
(Reading from the “Rabbi’s Manual” by the Central Conference of American Rabbis) In nature’s ebb and flow, God’s eternal law abides. When tears dim our vision and grief clouds our understanding, we often lose sight of God’s eternal plan. Yet we know that growth and decay, life and death, all reveal the divine purpose. God, who is our support in the struggles of life, is also our hope in death. We have set God before us and shall not despair. In God’s hands are the souls of the living and the spirits of all flesh. Under divine protection we abide, and by God’s love we are comforted. Oh Life of our life, Soul of our soul, cause your light to shine into our hearts, and fill our spirit with abiding trust in you.
Ruth Rubin
Ruth Nancy Rubin, a kind, sweet, strong woman, exhaled her last breath on October 31, 2024. She lived and loved for 95 years.
She was born in Rochester New York October 16, 1929, to Phil and Min Bubes, three minutes before her twin brother Syd. Brother Larry came along a few years later. The family moved to New Jersey and then to the Washington, D.C. area, where Ruth graduated from Montgomery Blair High School and the University of Maryland College Park.
During college, brother Syd introduced Ruth to his friend Sheldon Rubin. The couple hit it off from the moment they met, launching a lifetime of love and adventure. They married on June 19, 1954. First came love, then came marriage, then came offspring in a baby carriage: Mitch (spouse Spencer), Gail (spouse David, deceased), Lee (previous spouse Maria), and Glen (spouse Pat), in that order. Granddaughter Dianne (spouse Geoffrey) came along, and she had great-grandson Max in 2022. Ruth and Shelly enjoyed 69 years of marriage until death parted them when he died at the age of 93 in August 2023.
After college and before the family came along, Ruth Rubin taught elementary school for two years in Baltimore and Silver Spring. She became a stay-at-home mom who was incredibly active: a troop leader in Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts, a member of Shaare Tefila synagogue’s sisterhood and a life member of Hadassah, starting with the Kadima Chapter in the Greater Washington, D.C. area. She and Shelly managed real estate properties together, cleaning out houses and bringing home unusual items left by tenants, such as an old wagon wheel, oriental carpets, and anything nautical.
She was a wonderful cook and “hostess with the mostest.” She made the fluffiest matzoh balls, the best brisket, and kugel to die for. She hosted holiday gatherings and parties throughout the year while making it look easy. Family gatherings with the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins took place regularly either at the Rubin, Cohen or Bubes households: Passover, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, New Years, Super Bowls, birthdays, bar and bat mitzvahs. She loved pickles and reminisced about the wonderful sauerkraut her Bubbe in Rochester made.
She managed the family camping trips. An epic 1970 cross country trip from Washington, D.C. to California and back had her managing four kids ranging from age 15 to 9 in a pop up Starcraft camper named Frodo. Every summer there was a week at Ocean City or Rehoboth Beach. The family would go boating on the Chesapeake and camping in the mountains of Maryland and Virginia. With husband Shelly they went on many trips to exotic, far flung places. The family would reunite for milestone anniversary celebrations, including cruises to Alaska, Bermuda, and along the Mississippi River from Memphis to New Orleans.
Ruth Rubin loved nurturing plants and had a large collection of potted flora that transferred to each home they lived in: Takoma Park, Silver Spring, Leisure World, Delray Beach, FL, and Albuquerque, NM. She also loved butterflies, which offer a metaphor for transformation from the physical world to the spiritual.
Everyone I’ve spoken to about Mom and Dad commented how caring and supportive, sweet and funny they both were. Mom and Dad were prolific card senders, for birthdays, anniversaries and holidays.
While she had a sweet disposition, she was also a tough cookie. She faced multiple health challenges throughout her life, and still wanted to live on, even when persistent pneumonia became just too much to overcome. She had three hospitalizations since July. When she was admitted to the hospital on October 17, the day after her 95th birthday, this time she was in the Intensive Care Unit. The doctors recommended hospice, and she spent 11 days on in-patient hospice care at Delray Medical Center. October 31, the day she passed, is noted in numerous cultures as the day when the veil between the physical and spiritual worlds is the thinnest. Halloween will now always have a special meaning for us.
If there are people here in person or online who would like to share some thoughts, the floor is open. Unmute yourself before speaking. We have friends from Symphony at Delray, the assisted living facility where Mom and Dad lived since 2021, and family and friends from near and far online. (comments from friends and family about Ruth Rubin)
I don’t know where she got her Jewish education, but she was able to follow along reading the Hebrew in the prayer books at services. She made sure all the kids got a good Jewish education, with Sunday school, weekday Hebrew school, bar and bat mitzvahs, and confirmation. She made me a life member of Hadassah, just like her.
Lee, who lives in Delray Beach and was incredibly supportive of the folks in their final years, sent me a voice recording of Mom during the Jewish New Year. She was having breathing difficulties as she recited the Priestly Blessing: “May God bless you and keep you. May God’s countenance shine upon you. May God lift you up and give you peace.”
Please join me in the recitation of the 23rd Psalm.
Every Jewish funeral includes the prayer El Malei Rachamim, Source of Compassion. Let us listen to this rendition of the prayer (Bluetooth to speaker)
The Hebrew translates to: “God full of mercy who dwells on high, provide a true rest on the wings of the Divine Presence amongst the holy and pure ones who shine as brightly as the brilliance of the sky to the soul of Ruth Rubin, who has gone on to eternity. The Garden of Eden will be her resting place. We beseech the Merciful One to shade her forever with divine wings, and to bind her soul up in the bonds of life. Adonai is her heritage, and may she rest peacefully. And let us say, Amen.”
Recite Mourner’s Kaddish
Lower the casket
(Reading from the “Rabbi’s Manual” by the Central Conference of American Rabbis) Early or late, all must answer the summons to return to the Source of being, for we lose our hold on life when our time has come, as the leaf falls from the bough when its day is done. The deeds of the righteous enrich us all, as the fallen leaf enriches the soil beneath. The dust returns to the earth, the spirit lives on with God.
Throwing dirt on the casket is a mitzvah, as you are helping to bury the dead. There’s a tradition of avoiding passing the shovel, as pain should not pass from hand to hand. Place the shovel/trowel back in the dirt for the next person to pick up.
You are invited to visit with the family at an AirBNB house in Silver Spring where we are staying. It’s on Bonifant Road, right around the corner from the house we lived in on Sandy Ridge Road. Friday, Saturday and Sunday, come visit. Ask any of the siblings for the address.
Sometimes, when wrapping up a conversation, Mom would say, “Okay, back on your heads.” It’s the punchline to a joke.
An evil man dies and goes to hell. The Devil shows him three options for eternal damnation. Behind door number one is a flaming rock ravine where souls are tortured by demons with pitchforks. Behind door number two, in a raging ocean, souls chained to rocks are constantly beaten by huge waves. Behind door number three, people are standing around drinking coffee, up to their knees in shit. Compared to the other options, this doesn’t seem so bad, so he chooses door number three. As soon as he chooses, a demon announces, “Okay, coffee break’s over. Back on your heads.” So, back on your heads.
A recent Pearls Before Swine cartoon featured the Wise Ass on the Hill, who came down to deliver a message that just wouldn’t wait. “There is no past. There is no future. There is only the present moment. And we don’t know how many of them we have left. So hug your loved ones and do everything you can to celebrate the moment that you’re in.”
Thank you for joining us to honor and celebrate the life of Ruth Rubin. Please keep her and the family in your thoughts and prayers.
Ruth Rubin Family Video and Photos
