Did you watch the funeral on last night’s debut of the new season of Two and a Half Men? I tuned in just to see what they’d do to officially get rid of Charlie Sheen’s character, Charlie Harper, and of course, report on the funeral.
It looked like a traditional funeral, but – this being a comedy – there were snarky comments from the large group of Charlie’s ex-girlfriends in attendance. When brother Alan Harper said, “I know this is a very sad day for all of us,” one woman piped up saying, “Speak for yourself!” When Alan said he was giving, other women chimed in that Charlie had given them various sexually transmitted diseases.
Charlie’s mother, a real estate agent, stood up to say, “Excuse me, this is my dead son that we’re talking about. I loved him and I’m devastated that he’s gone.” She then segues into an announcement that his beautiful oceanfront house in Malibu was for sale (brochures in the lobby, open house on Sunday, 1:00 to 5:00).
It was a nice touch to have Charlie Harper’s typical attire of bowling shirt and shorts on display at the funeral.
Alan tried to conduct the proceedings with what dignity he could muster. One man stood up to ask about repayment of $38,000 from Charlie’s estate for “pharmaceuticals.” Alan suggested he take it up with the lawyers, and the man responded, “Oh, I’d rather not involve the law.”
Apparently Charlie got married in Paris to true love/stalker Rose. His new wife (now widow) said after they got married she discovered him in the shower with another woman. A day later, he slipped and fell off the platform as a Metro subway car was pulling into the station. “His body just exploded like a balloon full of meat,” she said.
It was interesting to note that they had a closed casket at this funeral, even though his mortal remains were not presentable. One of the ex-girlfriends said, “I didn’t come all this way to spit on a closed coffin.”
The difference between a funeral and a memorial service is the presence of a body. Since there wasn’t much of a body, why have a casket at all? Especially since Charlie’s remains were cremated after the funeral and delivered to Alan at the house.
Alan spoke a few touching words to the urn.
“Here we are buddy. Just like old times, huh? I’m talkin’ and you’re in a bottle ignoring me. I wanted to tell you that I loved you and will miss you and I will always be grateful for you taking Jake and me in and letting us live here all these years. ”
He then pondered what to do with him. He thought, “Hey, maybe I could sprinkle you on the beach. It’s simple, it’s dignified, and pretty girls covered in oil will be sitting on you all day. Kind of like your life… except for the dignified part.”
Alan moved toward the door and the beach, only to be scared witless by Ashton Kutcher’s character Walden Schmidt peering in the door. Alan tosses the opened urn in the air and scatters Charlie’s ashes all over the living room.
Schmidt is a lonely Internet billionaire who’s devastated by the breakup of his marriage. So devastated, he tries to kill himself in the ocean, “but the water was too cold.” Walden and Alan become friends, and the groundwork is set for Walden to move in and take Charlie’s place.
Chicago Sun-Times TV critic Lori Rackl said in her review, “Monday’s opener got off to a surprisingly good start, considering it took place in a funeral home. Penis and fart jokes are one thing — and the first episode made it clear the show intends to keep cranking those out. But death is a tougher sell, even before a studio audience full of fans…Making fun of a dead guy — even a dead guy who’s been with the show for eight long seasons — is exactly the kind of impudence viewers have come to expect from “Two and a Half Men.”
The episode will be continued next week. I may have to tune in again. That Ashton Kutcher sure is easy on the eyes!